Planet Brenda

RUN FOR THE BORDER

2007-04-20T15:01:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I accompanied Sparkle to Taco Bell since it was getting rather late and I didn't want her out alone. There we were in the drive-thru. 10 minutes later, we were still in the drive-thru. 10 minutes after that, we were still in the drive-thru. There was no escape, other than driving up on the curb and plowing through the lawn. I didn't have a problem with that, but Sparkle was driving and I'm not sure she has enough driving experience to pull off a good "driving up the curb, tearing up the grass" getaway.

The natives were getting restless, too. One guy behind us had started screaming "WTF?!" out of his window at regular intervals. That was making me nervous. What could I do?

I got on the cell phone and dialed directory assistance and got hooked up with Taco Bell. The phone rang at least 40 times. I figured "what the hell" because if they don't mind leaving us to die in their drive-thru, I don't mind getting on their last nerve by letting their phone ring. Finally a lady answers and I was extremely nice. Southern nice. Quite professional.

"Um, yes, I'm sitting in your drive-thru right now, and we've been here for about 25 minutes, and I was wondering if you could provide a time frame of when we could expect to be served?"

Silence.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I hear her turn around and begin SCREAMING at her employees.
"MANUEL, WHAT ARE DOING? WHA- WHAT- WHAT THE HELL?" She gets back on the telephone. "Ma'am I am so sorry, the line is getting ready to move right now"
Me: "OK, that's cool, we just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Sparkle: "Oh yeah, right, that's such a lie, Mom!"
But the line moved.
After the first car finally pulled away, the second car pulled away right behind it. I'm guessing they were murderously angry and figured it was best to just get the hell out of there. The third car gets up there....and I'm not sure what happened, just some angry voices. Then an arm comes out the window, waves money temptingly at the server, and drives away.
Meanwhile, behind us, Mr. Angry yells "WTF!?" again.
The next car was us. You should have seen those people scurrying to get us served. But we were cool, didn't say anything to them.
I felt a lot of pain for those employees that were going to have to deal with Mr. WTF, though.

I'm thinking its about time to give Sparkle some "driving up the curb, tearing up the grass" getaway lessons.

LOLZ

2007-04-19T01:44:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Must blog. MUST BLOG.

Some childhood food favorites you never get over. Here are mine:

And who can ever forget this?

RIP

2007-04-17T03:00:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

No blog today. Please remember and pray for the Virginia Tech victims and families.

HAPPY MONDAY

2007-04-16T11:45:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I finished a painting this weekend. It took me forever to figure out what I wanted to do but here's the end result:

It is a reflection of what the weather was like this weekend. I call this "Acid Rain" or maybe I'll call it "Color Storm".

GOODY TWO-SHOES

2007-04-14T02:05:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Once I asked a person why we never got togther anymore, were we still friends? And this person tells me that they were uncomfortable with a friendship where everything was so laid back. This person said that they could sense that no matter what, there was nothing they could ever do to make me not care about them anymore! And gave the example that if Monica Lewinsky had been my personal friend, I would probably still be standing there defending her! WTH, man? Of course I would have stood by ol' Monica, even though she was being super-slutty, a freaking dingbat, and using tobacco tampons to boot! I guess everyone else would have deserted Monica when the going got tough? Well I guess they did desert her, actually. I thought friendship was supposed to be forever basically, and that you stand by your friends and love them even if they are the biggest screw-ups ever. Maybe you don't agree with something a friend did, but you still support them as a friend.

I swear to God, I think I grew up reading too many Little House on the Prarie books, and I know I watched way too many Andy Griffith episodes. I drank all that friendship and loyalty and honesty crap in and believed every bit of it. And it has caused me no end of heartbreak in my adult life. My mother really should have monitored my media intake a little bit better.

I mean, if you prefer to have friends that are going to run at the first sign of choppy waters, then I guess that's cool, but I guess we probably shouldn't be friends. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.

BRAIN STIMULANTS

2007-04-12T03:38:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I don't know what to write about today....so here's a few pictures to stimulate your brain cells:

A kitty playing an invisible piano:

I'm sure they are kidding about this being a new game:

Keanu Reeves: sometimes you just gotta let it all out, ya know?

Steve Irwin, having a ball inspecting the world of the Afterlife:

And then there's this guy......

SLEEP CLINIC

2007-04-11T01:26:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Have you ever heard anyone say "It feels like I didn't even sleep last night", and you just figure they didn't get enough sleep? Well, it happened to me for real this morning.

I snapped into consciousness and the clock was buzzing....6:00 a.m. No way. My eyes weren't even hungover with sleep. I never slept. I sat up and looked out the window. Darkness. Something was wrong with that damned clock, it was supposed to go off at 5:00 a.m. I padded into the living room to check the clock there. 6:00 a.m.

I was in total denial. I never slept! How could it possibly be 6:00 a.m.? I was feeling seriously scared and confused. I had not dreamt at all. Apparently I was hitting the snooze on the clock with absolutely no trigger to my conscious mind. It was the strangest feeling ever. I went to bed and went to the Twilight Zone, obviously. Finally I was able to convince myself that everything was okay and it was just some fluke and that I must have slept.

Is this kind of thing normal? Has it ever happened to you?

POOP FROM ON HIGH

2007-04-10T00:37:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I got to work a little later than usual this morning and missed out on the Ultra Primo secrion parking space I usually get. However, I was able to snag a space under a tree in the Quite Adequate section of the parking lot with no problem, so everything was great.

Until time to go home this evening!!!! I get out to my car, and Jesus H. Christ, every frickin' bird in town must have landed in that tree today and took a POOP! I'm not just complaining about some bird poop here, I mean the entire front of my car was SMOTHERED in shit! You would have never guessed my car was green if the front of my car was all you could see. I thought for a second it was a practical joke, but the person parked across from me had gotten it just as bad. Please believe me when I tell you, I have never seen a poop fiasco like this in my entire life. There was poop piled on poop. It was all over the windshield. And the sun had baked it on solid. I was in tears.

This is close, real close. I seriously think mine was a little worse.

I started the car and turned on the windshield wiper and fluid. OH. MY. GOD. It was so horrible. Some pieces were not going to be moved, and the rest just smeared. I was finally able to get a section clear so I could at least see where I was going. I called Sparkle to let her know I was going to be late and headed straight for the car wash.

I put the quarters in and started blowing shit everywhere. Some of it would not budge. I had to hold the spray wand at full pressure mere centimeters from the poop before some of it would blow off of there. One poop pile at a time.

How long did it take me to wash my car? Close to an hour. How much did it cost me to wash my car? $12.75.

Have you noticed that I seem to be having a lot of animal problems lately? Squirrels, cats, mice, rabbits and birds. I feel as if Pan has put a curse on me. I'm finally paying the price for hitting that rabbit awhile back.

KEEF

2007-04-05T11:04:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I love this man. I know I should be appalled, but I'm not. It has gone way past appalling. Once you hit certain lows in life, people reverse their opinions and actually begin to love you for your low-lifedness. How can you not love a man who should have been dead 40 years ago?

Anyway, the latest is that during a recent interview, Mr. Keith Richards stated that after his father was cremated, he got some of the ashes, mixed them with his drugs, and snorted them up.

It was a joke, it wasn't true. However, many news agencies reported it, and the funniest part is everybody believed it! It never crossed my mind that he was having a good laugh on us all, I automatically believed it, because he's just that crazy.

Shine on you crazy diamond!!!

EWWWW

2007-04-04T04:47:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

One of my happiest days was a trip to the mountains with a group of friends long ago. We camped on property a friend of mine owned. There was a cabin shell there but no electricity, running water, etc....so we just pitched the tents in the front "yard" and the cabin was only used if bad weather hit. Which it didn't.

It was so pretty and we fished and swam in the river and all sorts of outdoorsy things. I was floating on my back and floated away from the group and I didn't even care. I was even thinking I might just float further down by myself just to see what was down-river. I floated and stared at the sun and the leaves and at the huge boulder I was headed towards. Everything was so great, things couldn't get any better.

Until I got to the boulder and looked up. Spiders. BIG black spiders, all over that rock. I bet there were 300 to 400 spiders, did I mention BIG ASS spiders, all over that rock. This is what they looked like:

I bet people with sharks after them don't swim as fast as I did away from that rock. It cured me of my explorative streak....either with people or alone.

HE'S COMING!

2007-04-02T00:24:00.001-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

You won't find people singing songs like this about George Bush 200 years from now!

LET'S JUST GO

2007-03-29T07:04:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

When I was a little kid, I ran away once for about 5 or 6 hours. I hung out in the woods till I got bored and hungry and finally went home. And then my mother stopped just shy of killing me. That cured me of running away from home.

But now here I am all these years later and I'm thinking about it again. I think about running away every single day. The kind of running away where you pack the car up with whatever it will hold, washing the dishes, locking up the house and never coming back. Even worse, my child is totally down with it. I believe she could be ready to go in about 2 to 3 hours' time. I don't think I'd even need that long.

And when I think about doing it, that little person inside of me that has an impulse disorder gets stirred up. "do it", it whispers. When I leave work and cross the bridge over I-85, something stirs in me. Instead of going straight, all I would have to do is make a left........

The only thing is, wherever you go, there you are.

YAWN

2007-03-28T09:36:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Must blog. Must blog. Must blog.

I just haven't been up to anything interesting lately. Things have been blissfully boring. I’ve been burning some CDs for a friend of mine. When I’m not doing that, I’ve been reading or hanging around outside in the nice weather. I saw my very first butterfly of the season today. YAY!

Otherwise, I haven’t seen anybody being a jerk, an asshole, or a loser. Nobody has said anything stupid or out of the way. I haven’t gotten fired. Sparkle isn’t driving me too crazy and all animals are doing great. I’m sure President Bush has probably done something really stupid, but nothing that is being reported to us. I don’t have anything to complain about! God, I’ve got to get out more often!

That’s okay though….I am sure this is just the calm before the storm. It always is.

BLAAAAAAH....

2007-03-26T08:33:00.001-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Monday again. *sigh* And nothing is really happening except that Iran is being an asshole to Britain. Everyone says not to worry, but something about this worries me. I just feel like something is going to happen because of this. Nothing GOOD, mind you.

Also, we find out officially today what killed Anna Nicole Smith! Whoop de doo. It is endlessly fascinating to me that people are endlessly fascinated with this story.

I wish it was still the weekend!

YOU HAVE ENTERED THE TWILIGHT ZONE

2007-03-23T10:08:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

When I left work this afternoon, I hit a wrinkle in the fold of the Universe and drove directly into the Parallel Universe of Insanity. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first, though I did notice that traffic was unusually violent. Lots of too-fast driving, honking horns and death-defying sprints to beat changing stoplights. No, things didn't start getting weird until I got to the grocery store.

I get behind a black Pathfinder that is traveling through the parking lot at approximately 3 m.p.h. Oh, I was patient, very patient, for about 10 seconds. Finally I'm like OH MY GOD I've seen great-grandmas with bunions go faster using walkers and canes. I wait for the right moment and then blaze around the Pathfinder. The reason the woman was going so slow is because she was reading! While driving! I blazed through the shopping center parking lot and got a parking space. I trudged towards the grocery store entrance but had to stop and wait before crossing over.....because here comes that %&#*$& Pathfinder, still going 3 m.p.h., bitch still reading. She sure wasn't speeding up just because someone was waiting to cross over....or stop, either, for that matter. I felt my patience give a little shudder, but hey, no problem!

Once in the store, I had yogurt on my list....there was a lady parked right in front of the yogurt display, staring slack-jawed at the selection. Not comparing labels or reading ingredients, just staring. I wait a moment for her to move on...and she doesn't. I finally move over next to her. No response. Finally I start reaching up on the shelf around her to get a few things of yogurt, and saying "excuse me". She finally comes to life then, looking at me like haveyoulostyourfreakingmindyoufool? I smiled sweetly and chalked it up to schizophrenia. No problem!

Until I move on and the aisle is blocked by another woman, just standing there staring! Not checking her list or even looking at any products, just staring. Okay, things are starting to get weird. My nerves are starting to grind against each other.

I get all my stuff except the Pepperidge Farm stuffing, which I cannot find to save my life. About this time a voice comes booming over the loudspeaker "DERRICK, NEED CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE MEAT COUNTER". About two minutes later I hear someone howling loudly back at the meat counter "YOOOOO HOO! I STILL NEED HELP!" I was starting to not believe this shopping trip.

And I still couldn't find that Pepperidge Farm stuffing! I'm wandering the aisles and I'm really getting stressed out. On the PA system, U2 is droning over and over "I stiiiiiiiiill haven't foooooound what I'm looking forrrrrrrr" and something in my head snaps. I pull my cart over to the side and assess the situation. What is happening here? Is it possible someone has slipped something into my drink before I left work? Is Alan Funt Jr lurking around somewhere? I've got to get out of here.

The Pepperidge Farm stuffing is finally located on the canned vegetable aisle. WTF but at least I found it, right? I pay for my stuff and rush for my car.....but not before having to wait a second time for Ms. Pathfinder, still cruising the parking lot at 3 m.p.h. with her eyes glued to her reading material.

I was never so glad to get home as I was today.

DEATH BY VEHICLE

2007-03-22T09:28:00.001-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I couldn't find a "Full Service" station, so I pulled up at a repair garage and popped the hood. Hoss immediately comes walking out "can I help you?" I smiled as sincerely as I could and told him "no, I was just hearing a knocking sound under the hood while I was driving and I was going to check it out." Since this is North Carolina, Hoss of course was not going to let a helpless and brainless woman look under the hood of a car. THAT'S MAN WORK! I stood back respectfully while he finished opening the hood. The first words out of his mouth was "it smells like a barn in here".
Me: "A barn?" I step closer. "Ewwww, yeah,....EWWWW!"
Hoss digs around and digs deep. He gets his flashlight. And sure enough, he hits pay dirt. Out he comes with a nice sized partially decayed dead mouse. I immediately go into histrionics "OH MY GOD, I can't believe that THING was in my car! How did it get there? Ewwwwwww! " Hoss is holding the mouse carcass by the tip of the tail with the actual body laying in his grease rag and he's laughing, a jolly but phlegmy sound. By this time, Jughead, Goober and Moose have decided to come check out the action. Jughead says "Day-um!" and Moose is like "You mean you won't smellin' that thang?" Ol' Moose has a brain in that head. "No, I never smelled anything!" I say, in a convincing "I can't believe this" voice. Goober just stood there smoking....looking at the mouse and then looking at me, then back at the mouse.

Finally Hoss is like, "well, start the car and let me hear that knocking sound." I start up the car and of course its purring like a kitten. "Everything seems to be running right along", Moose says eventually. "I know!" I say. "It must have been the mouse causing it. Thank you sir so much, please let me pay you something!" He refused, as all southern gentlemen do, but he didn't fight too hard when I pressed $5 into his hand.

So I didn't have to deal with any carcass, smell, maggots, and anything of the sort. Hoss took care of the whole business and didn't even charge me a corpse disposal fee. And Hoss was $5 richer. Jughead, Goober and Moose got a bit of entertainment to break up their day. This was a total win/win situation for everyone involved. Except for the poor mousie, of course.

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

2007-03-20T23:03:00.001-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I know I am just setting myself up for more killing of bunny jokes from Stew and Greg.....but I have to say it.

There's something dead in my car.

When I am driving down the road, every once in awhile I catch a whiff of carcass. All my cats are accounted for. It was really cold a few nights back....I'm worried that something of the "smaller than a cat" animal persuasion crawled up into the motor of my car.

I don't know what to do. I'm not popping the hood to look. What if its a bunny?

If I can find a "Full Service" gas station, do you think that is something they could check out? I figure I'll just pull up and say, "Can you check under the hood, please?" and just wait to see what happens.

Can you Febreeze a car engine?

HEY GRANDPA, WHAT'S FER SUPPER?

2007-03-20T02:06:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I don't know what to write. So here are some random pictures.

Here are my great grandparents:

Here are some well-endowed bikers:

Some unlucky cereal:

Angelina Jolie should check out this sale:

Alicia Keys and John Mayer. You can feel the friendship in this pic:

I'm also feeling the love between these two squirrels:

Some babies jamming out:

Charley Patton's (bluesman) grave:

What was going on before he killed the wabbit!

Carry on, my friends.

CHRISSY

2007-03-19T00:02:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

December, 1971

After Christmas settled down that year, I went to my neighbor Bonita's house to check out what all she got for Christmas. I had gotten a doll for Christmas, but true to childhood form, I can't even remember what kind of doll it was. All I remember is HER doll.

She got a Chrissy doll.

Chrissy was a short-haired doll. When you grabbed a section of her hair and pulled, you could make her hair long! Like sooper dooper long! Everyone wanted a Chrissy doll, but Bonita actually got one.

"Oh my God!" I asked. "Can I hold her?" Bonita said "Well maybe for a minute," and handed me the Chrissy doll, in short-hair mode. "Can I make her hair grow?" I asked.
Bonita glared at me. "I GUESS so!"

I felt the proper place on top of Chrissy's head and pulled. Nothing. No long hair coming out.

"NO, you gotta do it like this!" Bonita grabbed the doll from me and YANKED Chrissy's hair long. OOOOOH, it needed some muscle behind it! She yanked again and Chrissy's long hair went screaming back into her head. Then she handed Chrissy back to me.

I grabbed Chrissy's hair and YANKED, and sure enough, here came the hair! I cannot tell you how glorious it felt to yank that doll's hair. If you ever had one of these dolls, you know what a gratuitous feeling it was. It wasn't a smooth yank, the hair was fighting you just a little bit. These dolls were extremely popular, mostly because they satisfied something very deep and primal in the soul of the female child. The urge that has been there since the dawn of time.....the urge to yank some bitch's hair out.

2007-03-16T09:58:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Yesterday was so beautiful driving home. It was a pleasant spring day and the flashing bank sign read a whopping 236 degrees. That sign might need some recalibratin' before we hit 500 degrees in July.

As soon as the words "I think we've seen the last of cold weather!" tumbled out of my mouth, the weather changed. I'm sorry all you people up north. Its my fault. Ya'll are going to get a whole bunch of snow. We're going to get a whole bunch of rain - up to 2 1/2 inches. And its going to be cold on top of the rainy. Next time I'll keep my mouth shut.

TEENAGE PRANKS

2007-03-15T01:30:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I was reading a blog post over at BIFF SPIFFY'S blog about teenage pranks and it was pretty funny. It got me to thinking about some of my teenage pranks.

Ya'll might remember when I posted about spray-painting John Bonham's (Led Zeppelin) "symbol" all over the road with my friends when he died. And then signing a contract with them....in blood....that when the other Led Zeppelin members die, we would do the same.....no matter how old we got. Yeah, I still worry about this. I hope they all die on weeknights so I can sneak down to the main road and get the job done without being arrested. Kids, never sign a contract in blood! It can cause a lot of moral dilemma when you're older and wiser.

Another thing we used to do sometimes at night was to drive by a local pond and coax a duck into the car with us. Then we'd head onto the busy strip and wait for the inevitable stoplight. All you had to do was put the window down just a little bit and everyone in the intersection would hear the duck raising hell. QUAAAAAACK! People would be looking at us and laughing, or looking at us like we were insane. The best part was looking back at THEM like THEY were insane. Yes, we have a duck in our car, and what of it? You mean you don't have one? To crack up laughing was not allowed until we left the intersection.

And yes, before you call PETA, we always returned the duck to the pond, safe and sound. You couldn't drive around too long with a loud-ass quacking duck in your car without your nerves falling to pieces anyway.

Another time, several of us got the grand idea to pick up one of those caution light thingies that they put at construction sites. They look like sawhorses and they have the yellow blinking light on them. So we're riding around with a big yellow blinking light in the backseat (this was back in the day of Ford LTDs). Those things are a hell of a lot brighter when they're in your car, believe me. And after awhile, of course, we spot a cop. QUICK! THROW SOMETHING OVER THAT LIGHT! One of my friends threw himself and his jacket over the yellow light. His whole body immediately lit up like a flashing Big Bird. There was no stopping that light. Yeah, I'm sure there was a battery in the thing, but no one is going to stop to figure it out when the cops are around.

I don't know how we got away without the cop seeing us. I seriously think he just ignored us. He was probably like "Do I really, really want to know?" and decided it wasn't worth his coffee break to find out. Cops back then were just cooler than they are now. So we got away. And as soon as we were out of sight, we were dumping that thing by the roadside. It didn't make it back to the construction site.

And finally, there was something about Stew and a goldfish. Stew, you are going to kill me but I can't remember the deal about the goldfish! All I remember is using my Microsoft Paint to put that woman's head that you like on the body of a goldfish. And I am sure that porn was involved somehow if Stew was involved. What was it about goldfish? Look, I even saved the picture!

THE END OF CHRISTINE

2007-03-11T20:25:00.001-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Here's how the Christine saga unfolded:

Sparkle found out about the phone call. When I wasn't paying attention, she got my phone and called it. She didn't get the lady, but she got her voice mail. The girl's name is Lisa. So Sparkle leaves her an ultra-polite message telling her that this is her mother's phone and her mother's name is not Christine, etc. etc. Don't call back. I was praising Sparkle for her good manners when Lisa calls back:
"LOOK, Sweetie, I KNOW what Christine's voice sounds like and that is CHRISTINE!"

So then my daughter, who has been having some real anger issues lately, calls her back again. I heard this conversation myself....and so did half of the neighborhood. "OMG DO YOU NOT THINK PEOPLE EVER CHANGE THEIR PHONE NUMBER? MY MOM HAS HAD THIS PHONE FOR A %&*$&#* YEAR! STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND QUIT CALLING!" By this time I am holding my head and basically freaking out. My lovely daughter and her potty mouth.

But lo and behold....she didn't call back! At least, not for like 12 hours. Then she calls back. I see the number pop up and I'm like...oh no not again. I sure wasn't going to answer it. So then my phone lets me know I have a message. I listen to it and an extremely remorseful and embarrassed sounding Lisa issues a heartfelt apology. She's says, "I really thought you were Christine, she's a real witch I've been trying to get revenge on. I am so sorry and I'll never bother you again."

ALL RIGHT.....which one of you called her?

VICIOUS AND MEAN, LIKE A DAWG

2007-03-09T07:42:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Remember back when I posted about Christine.....the person who owned my cell phone before I did? Well, I still get the occasional call with people asking for her.....except now you can tell it is usually the same woman. You can hear the disbelief in her voice when I tell her I'm not Christine, I just have the phone number that Christine used to have. Twice now she has accused me of being Christine's "other personality". WTF????

So this woman just now called....its not even 7:30 a.m. yet, asking for Christine. I said "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number." And she's like "Oh sure, right. This must be your other personality." and then without stopping she says "Let me tell you one thing...if you keep FUCKING with me I am going to FUCK with you." And hangs up.

People, I don't need this. Why does stuff like this always happen to me? I'm tired of this and I don't understand what this woman's problem is. Do you think you can explain it to her? Here you go....<censored>. You have my blessing. Just please let her know I'M NOT CHRISTINE. And not to THREATEN ME!

Addedum: I have now de-published the telephone number.

HELP PREPARING FOR PROM

2007-03-07T20:45:00.001-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I noticed Sparkle's old prom pictures were getting a lot of hits, so I decided to check it out and find her pictures on Google. Well, by God, I started having so much fun that the original quest was all but forgotten. So I saved some pictures and made up some rules so that YOUR prom experience will be the best ever!

Rule One - Don't be trashy!

And while we're on the subject, don't be a HO either!

In the same vein....remember, fellows, you're there to have fun, NOT to PIMP!

Girls, I know you want to show off all your bling on the special night, but try not to over-accessorize:

Remember, girls, if you are elected Prom Queen, at least TRY to be gracious to your King:

Even if you AREN'T elected King and Queen....be gracious!!! Roll out the Yellow Bath Towel of Specialness for the actual winners!

Find out ahead of time what your Prom "Theme" is.....and try to talk the Student Council out of it if necessary:

Try not to go too far astray from the theme though.....

If you live below the Mason-Dixon line....try to resist the temptation, ladies. For God's sake, please resist.

DON'T make fun of your parents when they try to give you tips for prom attire:

Your parents just aren't ready for the latest new-fangled prom trends, respect this!

But you don't want to look like an old-fashioned birthday cake either!

Girls, if you find yourself in a heap o' trouble....you really might want to think about skipping the prom....

Also girls, BE ASSERTIVE! Let your date know he better show up on time, or else!!!

On the other hand, Guys, you have the right to insist that your date be clean, sober, and off of the Quaaludes.....

The Prom is your special night! Even if you are the biggest GEEK that ever lived, get your geeky girlfriend and go have a GREAT TIME!!!!!

I'VE REACHED NEW HIGHS IN LOWS

2007-03-06T21:43:00.001-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I'm still in the grips of Writer's Block, so I'll do like any other sensible person in my predicament, and make fun of ugly people instead:

We'll begin the fun with this hideously ugly picture of Brian Jones:

What the hell? I was only 3 or 4 years old, but if you had shown me this picture even I would have known an intervention was needed.

Or how about this one? Paul Stanley from Kiss:

My eyes! My eyes! Help me!

And then, last but not least, we have....Rose McGowan:

OMG! Girlfriend can only be about 28 years old! Whatever's she's smokin', I'm not standing downwind from her.

WANTED: BRAIN CONNECTORS IN REASONABLY GOOD WORKING ORDER

2007-03-05T23:31:00.001-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Did I blog about this before?

I read this book about the brain. There were all kinds of interesting tidbits about the brain in it....but this tidbit has totally ruined everything.

It has been proven in brain surgery patients that were conscious (but I am hoping were anesthetized) that prodding certain areas of the brain can produce a deja-vu experience. From this the following hypothesis has formed: (I'm totally paraphrasing here)

The brain, of course has two hemispheres. These hemispheres are connected by.....um....connectors. These connectors relay info back and forth between the hemispheres so you get "the full story" of whatever it is your brain is processing. It has been theorized that deja-vu is nothing more than a temporary lag problem in the hemisphere connectors.

So this means you see a tree with your left brain. Your left brain processes it and sends necessary info to the right brain. BUT....for whatever reason, there is a connector lag. Therefore you process it as.....
Left brain: Oh a tree!
LAG
Right brain: Oh a tree! I've seen this shit before somewhere, maybe even in another life!

What do you think about this? I've had soooo many deja-vu experiences, and now they're going to tell me I just have faulty connectors??????

It's depressing. I need some magic.

And I still don't remember if I have blogged about it before.

2007-03-04T22:47:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

How dogs are when they first come to live with STEW:

How dogs become after they've been with Stew awhile:

GREAT MOMENTS IN MUSIC HISTORY

2007-03-01T08:47:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Lightning Boy manages to piss off both Steve Vai AND the Devil from the Crossroads with one guitar solo!

2007-02-27T07:58:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Like I have threatened to do in the past, I might shut down shop on this blog. I've been doing it a long time now. Maybe I don't have anything left to say. This morning my mind is like an empty billboard......advertise here! Maybe I better stop right now, there's no sense in forcing a blog. I might get bloggorrhoids.

DAD

2007-02-26T06:52:00.001-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Either my father didn't love me or he was so emotionally retarded that he couldn't show love if he did feel it. I was scared of him when I was a little kid. Things were never good between us, if he wasn't mad about something, then it was a lot of uncomfortable silences. A lot of our problems stemmed from the lady he married after he divored my mother, by all accounts a rather witchy woman. She would make stuff up to be mad about and then get him going.....but this isn't about her.

By the time I was in my late teens, I'd had enough. Why spend your life trying to please people who cannot be pleased? My self-esteem was already gone (not to return for many years), why keep beating a dead horse? So I let them go. A year or two later, my sister reluctantly did, too.

A few years later the Stepmother got leukemia and died quickly. I was distraught, I didn't like the woman, but I didn't wish something like that on her either. However, she was always fond of telling us that we "upset our father" so we did what we felt he wanted and stayed away.

He married again like 5 or 6 months later! The new lady was really pushy, but really nice and she was the boss of him, honey. She MADE him get on the phone and call each of us. And of course we welcomed him with open arms. I was proud to meet with him the first time with my husband and 6 year old in tow. And he was a changed man, he was nothing like the man I could barely have a conversation with from some years before. Only sometimes was there the awkward silence.

By unspoken agreement, the past was the past. We did not rehash. No one proclaimed right or wrong. His new wife gleefully told us everything we needed to know when he wasn't around. She loved that kind of stuff, and we forgave her for it.....after all, if not for her......

Then he got cancer and died quickly, it will soon be 10 years. We had about a year and a half with him. Good times. Something to remember. Not everyone gets their rifts patched up like this. For me, it was like a band-aid on a shotgun wound, but it worked for me. But when he died I went through a long time of feeling like he never loved me, he just did all of that to please his new wife. SHE wanted it all healed. I still feel like that. If you asked me to point out what has "ruined" my life the most, it would be this relationship.

Last night in my dream I was on the porch of a beach house. He came up beside me and we just stood there looking down. There was a storm coming and the waves were starting to roll in under the stilts of the beach house. And we just stood there looking, not talking. And for once, the silence wasn't awkward.

I know its just the product of a mind trying to heal itself, but it was a really nice moment, I want it to be real. Its all just water under the beach house.

BE SURE TO PUNCH THE TIME CLOCK!

2007-02-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Just go ahead and sit there at your little desk, all smug and self-satisfied. You've worked hard to get where you are, haven't you? You think you have life by the balls, don't you?

I am here to tell you that the blue-collar American male has it much better than you.

You see, those blue-collars, they stick together. Nobody really knows what they're up to exactly, at any given time. But I was able to dig the real truth out of a 'squealer'. This particular blue-collar worker happens to work construction. Here is a typical day:

- Arrive at work at 7:30.
- Take biscuit orders from everyone on the crew.
- Head over to Bojangles and pick up the grub.
- Arrive back at jobsite about 7:55.
- Everyone eats till about 8:15 a.m.....after that, coffee and cigarettes.
- Now the real work begins...from 8:30 to 10:30, work is intense.
- At 10:30, its time to discuss the Duke game last night and tease ol' Goozlenator about his wife leaving him.
- At 10:45, you realize you are out of sandpaper. Never mind that you were NAILING anyway, you're out of sandpaper, dammit.
- You and a couple of best buds from the crew head over to Home Depot for supplies. Ol' Goozlenator has a joint with him, so all of you smoke it on the way back to the jobsite.
- Before arriving at the jobsite, all of you realize you're really really really hungry.
- You phone in to let the crew chief know that ya'll are just going to go ahead and go to lunch, since, you know, you're already out anyway.
- You and the boys head over to Hardee's. Between the four of you, you spend about $75.00 for lunch. Lots of fried chicken and Thickburgers.
- Once you're back in the truck, you realize you've eaten your buzz away, so you finish off Ol' Goozlenator's stash.
- Arrive back at the jobsite loaded out of your mind.
- Spend the next hour contemplating the physics of how a nail splits through the wood when you hammer it. You experiment with various hammering techniques and degrees of force when hitting the nail.
- 45 minutes later, you're out of nails. And Bubba down on the other beam breaks his hammer. Its time to go back to Home Depot.
- By unspoken agreement, you and Bubba head directly to the BP station, where you and he both buy 44 oz. Super Guzzler soft drinks. You hang out there at the BP for awhile, just chatting around with the cashier, Skeeter, and smoking a few cigarettes.
- You and Bubba finally make it to Home Depot.
- You finally make it back to the jobsite around 3:35. By now it is obvious that everyone else's lunch buzz has worn off, and everyone is feeling the fatigue. You carry a few boards from here to there, making a new pile in a new place. After about 10 minutes, you join your other co-workers in their fatigue complaints.
- Around 4:05, your boss says he reckons that good progress has been made today, to go on home and rest up, because tomorrow there will be a few pieces of sheetrock hung tomorrow.
- The entire crew heads en masse back to the BP station for take home 12 packs. You and Ol' Goozlenator stop off on a deserted back road to burn one before you head home to Wilma and the kids.

And what did YOU do today? Meetings, conference calls, spreadsheets and stress, you say?
But you DID get a Bojangles biscuit this morning? And you stopped off on the deserted back road after punching the time clock?

Sure, sure you did.

THIS POST IS GUARANTEED HITS!!!!!

2007-02-22T08:02:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Taking the advice of some commenters and doing a little research of my own, I have come up with a full-proof post that will put me back in the game of blog numbers!

Once upon a time Kukla, Fran and Ollie joined up with a Teletubby on Sesame Street and they got the blues. They tried to figure out what was wrong, and decided they were hungry. They contacted Zsa Zsa Gabor, who promptly cooked up those bastards of bologna: pimento loaf, macaroni and cheese loaf, and some fiddle heads on the side. All of them ate heartily while they discussed Britney Spears shaving her head and speculated as to what recipe of methamphetamine she is taking. Deciding that it was equal parts Drano, kerosene and ant poison, they all retired to the brothel down in Boobville so they could sleep it off.

Meanwhile, Angelina Jolie and Suri Cruise were spotted hanging around with Brad Pitt at Gold's Gym. Kylie Minogue was there also, looking quite well since her recovery from cancer. They talked about how they are all fans of Syd Barrett and Stephen King. While all this is happening, Britney Spears suddenly walks in.....she's left rehab again! Oprah and Rosie O'Donnell show up to talk Britney back in rehab. Oprah said, "Really, Britney, do you want to end up overdosing like Anna Nicole Smith? Or party it all away like Miss America?" At which point Rosie O'Donnell muttered "Donald Trump is an ass!" It ended when Britney surrendered to her Higher Power and entered the 12 step program. And they all lived happily ever after.

RANDOM STUFF

2007-02-21T08:22:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

My blog numbers have dropped like an elevator in free-fall. I went from a solid 250 a day average to like.....89. In a week's time. That's pretty damn bad. I know I have been slack about comments lately but things should be calming down in a week or so, jeez. It's not like I don't love you guys anymore. Thank God for Zsa Zsa or I wouldn't get hardly any hits at all!!! LOL.

Here's some random Sesame Street thugs.

While my blog numbers plummet, my Myspace numbers are through the roof. I'm not sure why. I'm getting a thousand hits a week, and I'm not kidding! Just think what would happen if I posted Zsa Zsa on Myspace....holy shit!!!!

I finished a painting! I will post it on here but it will be awhile. I'm so happy though.

A not-so-secret message to a certain person named JUSTIN: get your ass over here so we can start watching Martin Scorsese's "The Blues"!!!!!!!!

I switched to the new Blogger over the weekend. It was so easy even I could do it. Now I don't have to log in all the time.

Sparkle has a new boyfriend. His name is Tyler. He plays World of Warcraft all the time, and you can hear him munching on chips the whole time he plays. That's really all I know about him.

I suppose some of you are wondering what ever happened to Bitchard? Well. Bitchard has joined the Air Force. He leaves in April to begin his Air Force life. It is actually the best thing he could be doing for himself right now. I just hope he doesn't get sent to Iraq or anything.

THE URGE TO CUSS

2007-02-20T08:27:00.001-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

All right, here's a new Blogger question.

I've written a post and I save it as "draft". So therefore, the next morning, you need to go to "edit posts", right? Well, how the hell do you get it to post from the edit board? Here's today's entry, without pictures because I can't figure this %%(#$(&)@#($&# out.

Well, it won't let me copy and paste either. After you right click and highlight, it just closes the edit window. If you happen to come by my house you can probably pick up a computer for real cheap. Just check the backyard.

Somebody please tell me why I can't publish from the edit board before I SCREAM!

MAN BOOBS

2007-02-19T12:27:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

As I blog along through the years, I just keep on learning new things. Like the video I posted last week. I never realized the fascination that people have with man boobs. I was going to post an image of man boobs, but its pretty bad and definitely NSFW. If you are curious, go google “man boobs” and I bet you can figure out the ones I am talking about. What is so horrible is not really the man boobs, its what might be growing UNDER there that scares me. Mold?

I am so glad I am not a man. What if I ended up with man boobs? I guess there are things more terrible. Being a woman, we have our own special problems, so worrying about those PLUS man boobs just seems overwhelming.

What special woman problems, you ask? Well, how about HAIR? Hair has been quite an issue this past weekend. People just look at you differently when you are a woman and you don’t have hair. Not to mention acting in a psychotic fashion whilst having no hair. That’s enough to get you on CNN.

2007-02-15T02:00:00.000-05:00

Royal Drum Off

Sometimes when I am home alone in my room....I have been known to do things like this.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

2007-02-14T10:39:00.000-05:00

I know how it feels to be on your own
In this cruel world where hearts are bound to turn to stone
When you are alone
And you're tired of breathing
It's all gone wrong
And you just can't stand the pain any more
You're too numb to believe in
Anything

Baby just don't close your heart
Darling don't let me down

I know how easy it is to let go
Surrender to despair lurking at your door
To lose your soul and all your feelings
Strength all gone
And so many things left unsaid
And deeds undone
You've stopped caring 'cause it's all in vain

Baby just don't close your heart
Darling don't let me down
- ville valo

2007-02-13T11:11:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I am ready for winter to go away now. All the snow is up north, all we can get around here is rain, and I don't like cold, rainy days. So if no snow is on the horizon, it should go ahead and get warm as far as I am concerned.

The air is so dry! I wake up in the mornings feeling like a dry, dusty mummy that's been hanging around for 100,000 years. As I take my first sip of water of the day, all I can think about is those National Geographic TV shows, when the monsoon season first descends upon the desert.

Greg from Hasty Ruminations has hit upon a great new fad. If you are a male between the ages 0f 18 to.....oh......75, you should claim to be Anna Nicole Smith's child's father!! You never know, maybe you will have the lucky DNA. Or be the closest without going over or something. Of course, if you get any of her fortune, please be sure to remember where you got the idea!

ZSA ZSA VS. ANGELINA (in a steel cage match)

2007-02-12T10:17:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Okay, so I DIDN'T switch to new Blogger this weekend. What's the big hurry anyway. I need time to THINK THINGS THROUGH. Also, I am quite lazy about starting something I don't feel like doing anyway.

Pretty soon I am going to start writing a book about how Zsa Zsa Gabor made me famous. How? you ask. Okay.....Anna Nicole Smith dies and suddenly men are pouring out of the woodwork to claim they are her Baby Daddy. And one of these men happens to be Zsa Zsa's husband, who apparently is as looney as she is. Zsa Zsa, that is. AND Anna Nicole. But ever since this news broke, I have been receiving an unbelievable amount of hits for a Zsa Zsa picture I posted on the blog long ago. So many, in fact, that I am starting to worry about bandwidth issues on my pictures account. This has put the Angelina Jolie picture to shame. Would you have ever thought a Zsa Zsa picture would outdo an Angelina picture?

ANOTHER R.I.P.

2007-02-09T08:54:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Planet Brenda: the only site on the internets that is not going to hash over the Anna Nicole Smith case. All I'm going to say is R.I.P. and ummm....that they may want to keep checking out that lawyer of hers.

My daughter plays an online game called World of War. I've listened in on them playing before....basically all that goes on is journeys through strange lands and a whole lot of teenage cussing. But tonight was devastating. I heard my daughter screaming and I went to check on her. "What's wrong?"
"TERMINATOR LEFT THE GUILD!!!"
Apparently this is not unlike Dick Cheney throwing down the controls and stalking out of the White House.
What it boils down to is that "Terminator", a popular 15 year old, got really mad at "Le Douche", presumably because he was living up to HIS name, and resigned his Guild membership. The entire Guild is in mourning. I had no idea that all this drama went on behind the scenes of these online games. But, you know, Terminator was the only one in possession of an over-level 60 tank and he wasn't using this tank to its fullest potential to protect other Guild members. THIS STUFF IS IMPORTANT!

As stated earlier this week, I am going to swich to Blogger beta. I am not happy. I've never made any secret of the fact that my computer skillz hover somewhere around the "barely competent" range. If my blog disappears, you will know what happened. You and I both know.....IT COULD HAPPEN!

ADDENDUM: When I got up this morning, Sparkle informed me that late last night, Terminator came back to rejoin the Guild. YAY Terminator! Now use those over-level 60 tanks to your advantage, kill some enemies and may The Guild be your guiding force.

BEEP BEEP

2007-02-08T10:46:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I have my cell phone service through Nextel. For those of you that have Nextel, you already know about the beep-beep. For those that don't, the phone features a direct connect feature, affectionately known as the "beep-beep" here in the South. All you do is beep your friends that have Nextel also, and you can be talking to them without charge.

Walkie-talkie style. Ohhhh yeah.

Now, when you were a kid, you loved walkie-talkies. I already know this without even knowing you....all kids love walkie-talkies, radios and such. I can remember watching longingly as my dad spoke on his police radio.....a device that was so TOTALLY off-limits to me that it became a dream to actually use it one day. I never had my very own walkie-talkies either, though I remember helping quite a few kids burn up the batteries on theirs. The Nextel phone has awakened the child-beast within.

I can't get enough of the beep-beep. I like calling people when I don't really have anything to say, just to hold the phone up to my mouth and speak into it like a real walkie-talkie. Also, I MUST speak the walkie-talkie lingo while I use it. I'm actually saying things like "10-4, I'll be there shortly!" "That's a negative, I'm going straight home." And every conversation ends with "Roger, over and out."

It's driving everyone crazy. Sparkle is like "Mom, you do know you're not actually on a RADIO, right?" Well....yeah. Stop taking the fun out if it, if you don't mind. A deeply rooted dream is being fulfilled.....and God knows I pay enough for the privilege every month.

Roger, over and out.

BAM MARGERA GOT MARRIED

2007-02-07T08:32:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Well, it looks like I'll be making the switch to the new Blogger. They are harrassing the poo out of me. I have to log in every time I post now, and I have to log in for every single comment I make on anybody else's blog. I love the way they find these ways to make you switch. I'll do it this weekend. If my blog disappears forever, you will know that it was finally eaten by the Corporate Machine.

I spotted another Corporate Machine victim today on the way to the bank. There is a place at the local KMart you can go to get your taxes done (AS IF!) and its called Liberty Tax. Somewhere along the line, they decided that it would be really cute advertising to hire people and make them stand at the intersection of an extremely busy road in a Statue of Liberty costume:

Except that the model in this picture looks like a model. These people that stand at the intersection.....wow. The other day there was a woman in her 60's in the Liberty costume, dancing and doing the twist on the street corner. Today they had a 400 lb. black man squeezed into the Liberty costume.....in 20 degree weather!!! He kept pointing to us all at the intersection, kind of a "you go, dawg!" type gesture.

Why does Liberty Tax think I would choose them to do my taxes based upon how badly they abuse and exploit employees? How would you go about making a complaint about something like that? Or should I just lighten up?

Finally, I would like to post Bam Margera's wedding pic from this past weekend:

Why am I doing this? Simply because I have gotten hundreds of hits off of a prior picture of Bam that I posted a year or so ago.....this is pure and simple blogwhoredom in its most concentrated form, and I'm okay with that. You know people are going to love clicking on a wedding pic.
Somewhere out there, Jessica Simpson is plotting to buy a voodoo doll.
Pic was totally stolen from Perez Hilton's site, but since HE probably stole it, I guess its okay?

MY AWESOME GHOST

2007-02-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

The ghost that lives in my bedroom made itself known today for the first time in a very long time! I had kind of figured the ghost had moved on to bigger and better things. Its still there!

I was laying in bed, all warm and cozy, trying to convince myself to get up. About the time I decided "okay, here I go", a little voice says"awesome." Now I had been awake for at least 20 minutes, so we cannot say that I was just coming out of a dream. Trust me, I'm not going to leave my bed in the wintertime on Sunday morning until I'm downright RESTLESS. It wasn't my daugther because she was in her room, asleep, with the door closed.

I don't even want to think about what it might mean if there is no such things as ghosts. I would hope if I were going insane that the little voices in my head would be just a wee bit more interesting than just "awesome." My English teacher taught me to be more descriptive than that!

WHY EUROPEANS ARE SMARTER #156

2007-02-04T02:08:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

The Raclette

My sister married a guy from the Netherlands. When he came here to live, he brought with him a thing called a Raclette. And every year, when its Super Bowl time, the Raclette comes out. Its kind of like a George Foreman without the lid and without 15 kids named George also. Its a 2 tiered grill thingie - you cook meat on the top, and in the little trays on the bottom you cook veggies. We slice potatoes, sprinkle cheese on top, put them in butter on the bottom and.....wow. I like mushrooms cooked on it, too.

But anyway, everyone stands around the Raclette and cooks their own food. Kids love it, by the way. This is apparently a common European thing and we Americans are totally missing out. It is my duty to inform all of America about the Raclette.

The Super Bowl.....who cares? All I want to see are the commercials. This is the only time ever that I ignore the actual show and then run into the living room to see the commercials.

And Prince is going to be the halftime entertainment. Prince is the hotness and he is excellent in concert. I hope he attacks his guitar as he does in concert....a lot of people are going to be very surprised. This man is much more than a dance song.

WEEK'S END - FINALLY!!!!!

2007-02-02T08:46:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

If there is one thing I have learned this week, it is that everybody wants at least one person, if not several, dead. I didn't realize ya'll were so vicious. That being said, everyone work on getting their lists in to me today and I'll try to wish them dead for you this weekend.

I AM just kidding! Or am I?

I will be making blog rounds this weekend and answering emails. There hasn't been time for anything, it seem like. That's what happens when you give Southerners a snow day during the work week. Everything just goes to hell.

I hope we get some more snow days. With actual snow next time.

THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND #385

2007-02-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I went out and bought myself a very nice set of "professional artist" colored drawing pencils for an art project I am doing. $14.00 they were. There's 24 of them in the box. It states that the lead is harder than in most other colored pencils, so it doesn't break as easily under pressure. Everything seemed like it was going okay, up until the time I was ready for color.

I opened up the box and none of the pencils were sharpened. It was just a pencil. Isn't this the kind of information they should include on the front of the box? I had to take them all out of the box and sit at the electric pencil sharpener and grind 24 pencils. And I'm lucky! What about all those other people that don't have an electric pencil sharpener? If I had to sit there and sharpen 24 pencils with the My Little Pony manual sharpener that I own, I would have been one extremely pissed off person.

Come on. You're making a quality pencil. You're charging out the ass for it. Surely you can go ahead and install a sharpening unit on the pencil conveyor belt line. SHEESH!

TALES FROM THE EBAY ABYSS

2007-01-31T00:21:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

God I hate Ebay! I never go there anymore because when I do, I always find something I just GOTTA have. And you can bet your booty that if I want it, its going to be like the only one of its kind ever in the whole wide world. And you can also bet on that when the auction is coming to an end, someone is going to swoop in at the last 4 seconds and outbid me, and outbid me good. I mean, who can type that fast? And who are all these people buying all this stuff? How come they have so much money AND killer typing skills?

I wanted this 4 CD set and....so did this other person. I clicked on his name and looked at his feedback record, because they list the things the person has bought in the past. And this guy has a long, sordid history of outbidding other hopefuls like every couple of days and on the weirdest things. He paid $41.00 for a Ted Nugent CD. Whaaaaat? $41.00???? Did Ted Nugent actually leave some DNA on the CD or what? I carefully checked over this nugget of bidding history and there was nothing special about that CD at all, other than the fact that it looks like a little bidding war broke out over it. Yeah, this guy was going to have the last word no matter what. Nobody is going to get the best of HIM over a Ted Nugent CD.

I repeat....$41.00?????????

I knew I was screwed on my auction. And I was. I don't like to lose and Ebay makes me feel like a big loser, because I always lose. My only satisfaction is that I drove the price up $30.00 more than that guy would have paid had I NOT bid. That would have almost bought him another Ted Nugent CD. Sheesh.

HOW I KILLED BUCK OWENS' LEAD GUITARIST

2007-01-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Back in the day, Buck Owens, the country singer, had a lead guitarist named DON RICH . A man who seemed very nice and by all accounts was quite talented by country music standards. And I killed him, just as sure as if I pulled a gun on him.

It was just another Saturday night in (according to Wikipedia) July, 1974. The beloved TV show HEE HAW was on the tube and I was mad. I don't remember what I was mad about, I guess I was just being a spoiled brat. Maybe I was wanting to watch one of the other (two) channels or something.

But HEE HAW was on the tube, Buck Owens was singing a song, and the poor aforementioned Don Rich was backing him up. He was in the background, playing his guitar and singing harmony, and I was so mad about whatever, and I thought in my mind, "I HATE that guy, I HATE his singing, AND I WISH HE WAS DEAD!"

Lo and behold, about 3 days later, he was. He was in a car wreck. This blew me out of the water, and I have felt guilty about it for almost 35 years now.

I wished that guy dead, and he died.

And that's how I discovered the power of the mind. I learned the hard way that you don't wish any old thing just because you are feeling like a spoiled brat. Sometimes I tell people that I am sending them some good vibes, and I really do mean that. I believe in mind power. I don't think I can control destiny, like RATIONALLY I realize that man didn't die because I wished him dead. But I do think there is power in the mind, I think we can send other people good energy....or bad energy. Maybe I sent Don Rich's bad energy over the threshold.

DEEP THOUGHTS, MAN

2007-01-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

When you get right down to it, I guess you go either one way or the other:

HELP BRENDA BATTLE WRITER'S BLOCK

2007-01-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I have writer's block. Again. You can count on it, 3 times a year. This time I plan to battle it by posting pictures. You look at the picture and discuss. Throw me a few bones that I can blog about.

Today's Picture:

INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

2007-01-22T01:06:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I was 10 years old. My mother took my sister and I for a short weekend to the beach to get away from it all. We threw on our bathing suits and dashed to the pool. I dipped a foot in and it was WAY too cold for me, I wasn't going in. My sister grabbed me from behind and was going to throw me in.

"No, no, no", I was really struggling, but she was determined.

She threw me in the pool. She didn't throw me far enough. My head smacked the concrete.

I remember coming to in the water. I was in a beautiful ripply world of blue and the sun was shining in and for a split second I thought I was in heaven. Water in my nose brought me back to reality, and I headed for the surface.

Everyone was staring at me. My sister was pale. People were asking, "are you all right?" and I'm like "sure". I sat down on a lounge chair. I became aware of the back of my head really hurting. When no one was looking, I touched the back of my head. I could feel it give in under my fingers. My skull was cracked and I knew it was serious, even at 10 years old.

From that instant, it became my mission that no one would ever find out. Why? I don't know, it was just important to me that no one know that the right side of the back of my head was caved in like a rotten pumpkin. I told my sister I was going to the motel room to get a drink and that I had to go to the bathroom. When I got to the bathroom, I noticed that my legs were spazzing slightly. My teeth started to chatter uncontrollaby. I touched the back of my head one more time, and I could tell it was bad. It had started to swell and I couldn't feel the shattered bone anymore. I vowed right then never to touch it again because it needed to heal. And I didn't touch it again.

My mother started realizing I wasn't acting right, so I told her I thought I was catching a cold because I didn't feel too good. She put me to bed and I went willingly, on my left side, of course. And fell mercifully asleep. And mercifully, because God loves his foolish little children, I woke up later and I was okay, the only problem was an exquisitely painful headache.

I slept on my left side for at least a year or longer. I didn't brush my hair in that area for just as long. I would only lightly shampoo the ends of my hair in that area. Finally one day, I gave myself permission to feel. And though there was still a ghost of pain back there, my fingers felt firmness. There was a major dip in my skull, but it was firm again.

No one ever knew. And no one knew until a couple of weeks ago, when I impulsively told my daughter about it. She freaked. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL SOMEONE?"......I don't know why! I guess a good skull cracking can make you do strange things, for years even. It was a horribly stupid thing to do.

I am sure that the fact that I was dropped on my head as a child is going to answer a whole lot of questions for a whole lot of people. I am now officially out of the head injury closet.

GOOD DAY

2007-01-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Blog on hiatus till Monday. Family stuff.

REMEMBER THAT DISCLAIMER!

2007-01-17T23:55:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I am going to blog!!! I do this because the National Weather Service is calling for my area to have an inch of "snow and ice". Now....an inch of snow is one thing, but an inch of ice is a whole other ballgame. Especially when you live around a bunch of pine trees that have been "weak" for years, since Hurricane Fran. Nowadays, if a good hard rain falls, it is not really that unusual anymore that a tree will fall. This is because so many of them were weakened by Fran that they are just kind of sitting loose in the ground, literally hanging on by threads of roots. Now throw an inch of ice in there and that's just a huge disaster waiting to happen. And some of the trees are so tall that my neighbors' trees could fall and still take out a portion of my roof.

On the plus side, I might get a day off work with pay! So pray for me, but remember to add the disclaimer about the roof, willya? And remember, if you don't see me around for a few days, you will know the power is out. Again.

In other news, my right eyeball has gone numb. I can see out of it, I just can't feel it. I can't think of anything good that this might signify. If I don't reappear after a few days, go ahead and assume I had a stroke or some other significant brain damaging episode.

And always remember, you can always say ONE PERSON loved you in this life. Because I do love ya'll.

I LIKES THIS SONG

2007-01-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT

2007-01-13T02:14:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I thought I would post my class assignment from this week; to write about reading and what it means to me.

Reading is an activity that I have grown to depend upon, not only as a form of entertainment, but also as a necessary requirement of daily living. I begin my day by logging into CNN.com to find out all the world events, which are of the utmost importance to follow. At work, I often spend lunch time with a magazine or surfing for information on the internet. When it is time to go to bed at night is when I curl up with whatever is my main reading material at that time, be it a book or magazine. Reading is an activity I am pursuing all day long.

When asked what I read, I always hesitate with my answer. The truth is that I read everything. Whether it is truth or fiction, fantasy or biography, poetry or scientific results, I will read it if it crosses my path. My life has been one huge ocean of reading, and I leave books, newspapers, magazines, and internet articles in my wake.

I can never remember the authors or titles of anything I read, but I dive into the contents of what I am reading as if jumping into the aforementioned ocean, totally immersing myself. Yet when someone asks me if I've read the latest Stephen King book, I am usually unsure. All I can remember is the actual story. This kind of experience has often led to me delving into a book only to discover I have already read it. However, if the book was good enough the first time around, I will happily read it over again.

The only time I feel that reading is harmful to me is when I visit a Barnes and Noble bookstore. Like an alcoholic turned loose in a fully-stocked bar, I wander through the shelves looking at all the magic stuffed into every inch of the store. There are novels, biographies, and non-fiction of every subject on the planet, including the planets. I can have my arms filled within minutes. Eventually I begin to realize that I can't spend $300.00 on books, so I start the filtering process to whittle the selection down to what I most want. The filtering process is, to me, one of life's saddest challenges.

Without reading, my life would change drastically for the worse. Most of the activities of my daily life are already pre-determined. I must fulfill my responsibilities of a full-time job, child, and home. There is not a lot of time or money for entertainment or travel. Reading is my escapism, my education, and my link to a world I would otherwise know very little about. Reading is absolutely essential to my happiness as a person.

WONKY DEFINED

2007-01-11T23:50:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

This post is dedicated to BIFF SPIFFY.

Awhile back I made a comment in my blog about a wonky eye. I don't quite remember the context of what I was saying, which is okay because it was probably something really stupid anyway. Biff Spiffy has asked for some clarification of what a wonky eye actually is. So I went out on Google and found a good pic of the top wonky-eyed person in America:

Good ol' Paris Hilton!!! And for the record, Paris does NOT have a lazy eye. That's a W-O-N-K-Y eye. If it is not in the dictionary, then it should be.

And while I am educating the world about wonky-ism, I think it should be pointed out that it is not only eyes that can be wonky:

As this instructive cartoon illustrates, women can also have wonky boobs. It is not a great leap of imagination to figure that men could probably have wonky testicles, though I've never personally seen any.

And that, my friends, is the concept of wonky. If it doesn't match, it is wonky.

NOT TO BEAT A DEAD HORSE OR ANYTHING, BUT.....

2007-01-10T23:46:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

As you may remember, I accidentally hit a widdle bunny wabbit awhile back while driving. This occurrence has come to haunt my every waking moment, and some of my sleeping ones, too. If you have noticed in the "About Me" section....I actually LOOK like a bunny wabbit now.

However, in an attempt to absolve myself from my sins, I now offer you photographic evidence that animals in the wild west days were even more endangered than our little wabbits now:

Don't ask why. Some things in life are explainable. This is not one of them. Sacred Knowledge exists that 21st century man is not meant to know.

15 POSITIVITIES

2007-01-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Judy assigned me the task of listing 15 positive things about myself (as opposed to the 50 negatives I attempted. The first three she created:

1. Brenda is a good mom
2. Brenda is a good writer
3. Brenda is creative and crafty....
4. Brenda is growing that horrendous perm out quite nicely!
5. Brenda is a great reader, thanks to the Evelyn Wood Speed Reading Course in 7th grade.
6. Brenda is a nice friend to have.....if you're a homeless kitty.
7. Brenda always brushes her teeth....and flosses regularly!
8. Brenda is a financial wizard who can perform miracles when paying the bills.
9. That's because Brenda knows how to bring home the bacon - and fry it up in a pan!
10. Brenda gives good customer service.....at work, you perverts!
11. Brenda has the best iPod load this side of the Mississippi.
12. Brenda knows how to spell Mississippi without looking it up.
13. Brenda is aging quite well compared to Nicole Kidman. No plastic surgery yet!
14. Brenda could be YOUR next president!
15. Brenda always, always knows when to quit.

2007-01-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I got hit with a meme entitled "50 Negative Things About Me"......and I started doing it....and I got to about 35 things and I felt so bad about myself I couldn't continue. The worst part was realizing that those 35 things were like only the tip of the iceberg. And I wasn't even being totally forthcoming. My self-esteem is blown for the week. I'm going back to my rock, climb under it, and just continue to be my worthless self. Geez.

MEMES ARE BAD FOR SELF-ESTEEM!

SOME THINGS ARE BETTER THAN MONEY

2007-01-07T00:10:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Here's a question/scenario for those of you that have been reading this blog for awhile:

Let us suppose that at some point in the past that you and I had been married. And now you're in a bind and can't pay child support. And maybe feeling a little bad about it?

How would you go about making amends with me?

That's right. Bring your whole CD collection over and let me burn it to my iTunes!!!

That's what he did, he just showed up with them, two large cases stinking to high heaven of the ghosts of cigarettes from bachelor parties gone by. They be stankin'.

At first glance, his CD collection is so generic looking. He's got a whole case of those compilation CDs that you order off TV: "Love Songs", "70's Party Mix" "Class Reunion" (pick a year, any year). It's like, oh my God. But I sat down and started scanning the CDs and I perked up a bit. I mean, England Dan and John Ford Coley. Seals and Crofts. Rita Coolidge. Al Green. Earth Wind and Fire bringing the soul, while Parliament Funkadelic brings the funk. Then Joe Cocker brings the schizophrenia while Barry White wraps it all up with some good lovin', babe. Who would have guessed my ex was such a 70's a.m. radio historian? I'm down with it, I'll be ripping songs all weekend.

Whoo-wee!
Uh!
Ooo-ooo
Uh!

All my life I never stop to worry 'bout a thing
Open up and shout it out, never try to sing
Wonderin' if I've done it wrong
Will this depression last for long?

Won't you tell me
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?

Once we had an easy ride an' always felt the same
Time was on our side, we had everything to gain
Let it be like yesterday
Is that me or Happy Days?

Ma and Pa look back on all the things they used to do
They never had no money and they always told the truth
Daddy didn't need no little toys
Mommy didn't need no little boys

Won't you tell me
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Ow!

(Guitar Solo)

Yesterday was such an easy game for you to play
Aw, but then let's face it, things are easier today
Guess you need some bringing down
Get your feet back on the ground

Won't you tell meWhere have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?
Where have all the good times gone?

DA MOON

2007-01-05T00:21:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

So. Blogging. Yeah.

I registered for school last night. ONE CLASS. My freaking book is going to be like $70.00....used!! I'm going to ride around this weekend and see if I can't find that bitch a little cheaper somewhere else.

The moon the last couple of nights has been fantastic. Last night it was totally incredible because it was a total full moon and there were these little wisps of clouds in front of it, just like this picture.

It was so spooky looking! If I knew of a haunted house around here, or a spooky cemetary, I would have gone out there and stood around and waited for a ghost or two to show up. The only haunted house I ever knew about around here got torn down, and the only spooky cemetary is located in the middle of crack town. Yes, I would much rather deal with ghosts than crack heads.

My daughter could care less about the moon. I'm yelling "OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT MOON!" and she's just like *yawn*. How can anybody not be fascinated with the sky?
And on that note, here's your song of the day. I dare you to TRY to forget it.
http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-01-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Happy New Year! I have had a nice long vacation from blogging (with the exception of people that just would not quit dying), now I must rededicate myself.

I dedicated myself to the New Year by respecting a most sacred tradition: I slept almost the entire day. I cannot handle alcohol - a few drinks and I have to sleep the entire day. So not worth it.

School registration is on January 3. ONE CLASS ONLY.

I now leave you with a Blind Item to ponder:

Whose baby-daddy ended 2006 by getting fired from his job? Although Miss Blind Item's committed relationship to Baby-Daddy ended long ago, she certainly does not wish bad things for him. As Baby-Daddy is not the most stable one hanging out in the barnyard, Miss Blind Item fears ~~another~~ a nervous breakdown if his life continues to spiral out of control.

Not exactly a little angel who is only concerned for the welfare of others, Miss Blind Item is quite pissy because she knows her chances of receiving a child support check has just dropped from....uhhhhh....ZERO percent to about NEGATIVE 95 percent.

DON'T RIP!

2006-12-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

And the deaths, they keep a'coming. All I wanted was a simple blogiday. EVERYONE, STOP DYING, RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

PRESIDENTIAL RIP

2006-12-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Not to rude or anything.....but could everybody else please hold off dying until the New Year? Its just all too sad.

HOLIDAY RIP

2006-12-25T14:02:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

2006-12-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

Pink Floyd - Bike animated video

2006-12-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Stew tagged me to do a "Six Weird Things About Me" meme. I know the reason he did this is because I am so slack at blogging lately. There were some other instructions, mostly something like, "do this meme" or something like that.

SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

1. I always thought Desi Arnaz Sr. was kind of hot.

He was! He was kind of hot!

2. I have wonky eyes. Some say I have "weak eyes" and some people say I just look stoned all the time. I came by this trait honestly as my mother had the same exact wonky eyes too. I also can't see worth a damn and it keeps getting worse, so why keep my eyes wide open? The only time they look normal is if I'm deeply interested in something and then I am told they shine. What the hell does THAT mean?

3. One of my grandmothers loved smoking. When she was on her deathbed in the hospital, she cried to my Dad because she wanted a puff. He lit one up and held it for her. She pulled on it like a baby does a bottle, and her look of ecstasy was a sight to behold. I haven't been to her grave too many times, but when I do go, I always take a pack of cigarettes to leave there instead of flowers. I think she appreciates the cigs more than she would flowers. I'm sure the caretaker is like..."what in the honey-baked hell is this?"

4. I am the only person in my whole entire state who hates NASCAR. I once had a friend stop speaking to me because I called Jeff Gordon a "Uni-brow". She got over it eventually.

5. I sing most of the day, making up the lyrics as I go. The running dialogue can consist of tune from rap to opera. My songs most often involve whatever my cats or hamsters happen to be doing at tbe moment, but any subject is game.

My song driving home tonight was:

"I love traffic! The fumes make me feel FAN-TA-STIC!"

6. There was a time in my life where if someone screamed "MY THREE SONS!", we'd run to get in place. The two who scored the outside positions either tapped their feet or crossed their feet, depending on their placement. The lucky one who scored the middle got to do the hand action. And we all sang "da da da da..." See below:

2006-12-20T19:50:00.000-05:00

My Three Sons Intro

PARTY HELL-RAISER

2006-12-17T19:48:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

You might have guessed it already. I've been cheating on ya'll again. Not with Myspace this time. This time I've been drawing a Pink Floyd cartoon for another website. Its really, really fun though. But I have been neglecting Planet duties lately. I shall try to do better.

My famous family Christmas party was last night.....you know....the one that always gives me huge anxiety attacks. This year I screwed up because I asked my uncle for HIS grandparent's names, because I have a picture of them and I don't know their names. This resulted in huge discussion amongst the older ones about their ancestors. Then the oldest aunt gets pissed off because my uncle's wife actually knows more of the family history than the actual kids do, if that makes any sense. She was like, totally steamed about it. Everyone always talks shit about about my uncle's wife and you know what? I'm tired of it. Yeah, she's kooky and strange, but give the woman a break why don't you. In the past something like this would have sent me into a full-blown anxiety attack but you know what?? I'M SO OVER IT. Screw the relatives, and I'm glad I caused trouble. Because if it hadn't been that, it would have been something else. And I have a whole year to come up with another way to cause trouble for the next party.

And now my uncle and I have a future date to visit the cemetary. He wants to find his grandparent's graves and stuff. I'm down with it. My inner goth is clapping with glee.

YO HO THE MISTLETOE

2006-12-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Tis the season and I can't help but notice the trees in the parking lot at work. A few of them are LOADED with mistletoe. I bet you didn't know that I can spot mistletoe growing in a treetop from a mile away. You can only see it in the winter though, after all the leaves are gone.

I want some of that mistletoe. But it only grows in the treetops.

Do you think anyone would be alarmed if I showed up in the parking lot of work with a shotgun and shot some down?

I've only had live mistletoe once. When I was a young teenager I spotted a small bundle growing just out of reach. I couldn't believe it, real mistletoe that I could get to! Yeah, we used to get excited about things like that back then. And there was a big bonfire for the youth group coming up on New Year's Eve, so I was already calculating who was going to be there and who I was gonna kiss. And I WOULD get the most kisses because everyone has to obey the Power of the Mistletoe, right? There was one guy in particular I wanted to plant tulips on. Get it? Tulips? Never mind. It was a great secret and I wasn't sharing it with anybody.

The little patch of mistletoe had been tricked into believing it was growing in a treetop because the tree was a dwarf pine. I tried to shimmy up the tree but no-can-do. I slipped and my hands rubbed into the bark. Nice and bloody. Yuck. There was no way I could use a shotgun.....the preferred method of harvesting. Somebody would hear that and come running.

I actually tried to make a bow and arrow with rubberbands and a stick but that was a bust. Finally, I had to recruit a cousin in on the plan, which sucked because now I had to halve my ball of mistletoe and who knew who SHE was plotting to kiss? But there was nothing else to be done. She made the little cup with her hand and boosted me up. I got to the branch but couldn't reach the mistletoe. Just out of reach. I hung there a minute and then dropped.

I was going to get that mistletoe, whatever it took.

So we had a recruit a neighborhood BOY to help out. Not one of the bonfire boys, mind you, just a regular BOY. He was bigger than us and he knew exactly what he wanted as payment. A kiss from both me and my cousin. OH YUCK! But we said we would IF we got the mistletoe.

He gave me the boost and I was able to sling my arm around the branch. Just a swing and.......the branch broke. I probably only dropped 5 or 6 feet but it felt like a million. I hit the pine straw forest floor hard. No broken bones, but I was scratched and sore. And in my grubby little hand was the mistletoe!! It wasn't the whole ball of it, but it was enough to get the job done.

So then we had to kiss the neighborhood boy. It was really gross. We weren't worried about him telling other people though...its not like we had a choice...we had to obey the Power of the Mistletoe!

By the time of the bonfire, everybody under the age of 18 in three counties knew I had real live mistletoe with Magic Power. I shared it a leaf at a time, and then we started splitting the leaves in half. I am pretty sure everybody got at least ONE kiss from someone at the bonfire on New Years' Eve.

And yes, I did get my kiss from the Special Boy. But he couldn't kiss worth a damn, all slobbery and stuff....ewww. That was the end of the road for him. I ended up dating the gross neighborhood boy later on instead.

OH BOY

2006-12-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

A MIRACLE AT FOOD LION

2006-12-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I didn't have a BAD day....it was just a BLAH day. Low energy, boring work, semi-bad attitude. And then, to top it all off, I had to go to the GROCERY STORE after work! As most of you know, grocery shopping is what I hate the worst, followed closely by cooking, dishes, laundry, and dusting. But I digress.

So there I was, grocery shopping and hating life to the extreme. And then......with a thundering boom the skies parted, the sweet voices of angels began to sing, and as the shimmering, healing lights of heaven beamed down, I exalted in a vision of great magnitude:

A Johnny Depp magazine. A whole magazine about Johnny Depp. With Johnny Depp pictures and Johnny Depp interviews. Its kind of like a Johnny Deppapalooza. I can wallow around in Deppness anytime I want to. And even though I don't get paid until tomorrow, I held the magazine closely and realized that oh yes, it would be mine. (bitch costed $9.95!)

And speaking of hotness, I think Avon is on to something good. I've been dealing Avon out on the streets for well over 6 months now, and never has an Avon book caused so many women to get all sweaty and bothered:

I have women coming to me begging for the book! They are asking if Derek Jeter himself is actually for sale. Naturally, my inner saleswoman took advantage of this interest to go ahead and pimp him out for a few nights at $29.95 (including a free makeup bag!), but something tells me I'll have to refund that money. I had no idea Derek Jeter was like, such hotness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but can he sell cologne? The world will be watching.

INTERNET WOES

2006-12-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

The internets are getting on my nerves lately!

1. I keep having to log into everything. I was told this means my cookies have been turned off. This bothers me. You know, yeah, back when I was married, my cookies eventually got turned off. My cookies should be fully functioning now. And what do my cookies really have to do with the internet, anyway?
2. Passwords. I'm really tired of passwords. I've tried to be a good girl and vary my passwords. That way if someone finds out a password, they can't then access every facet of your life and steal your identity. Then there are the sites that want you to make a password that also includes a number. And then, when your cookies aren't functioning, you have to remember all this stuff. How am I supposed to remember all this stuff? I really need to get my cookies whipped into shape.
3. How come Blogger keeps wanting me to update to Blogger Beta? It keeps telling me that Blogger Beta is BETTER! But it doesn't tell you HOW it is better. And the only thing I can think of is that other Beta from the past.....you know, the one that doesn't fit any VCR and has practically fallen off the face of the Earth. Can anyone tell me the advantage of Blogger Beta?
4. How come when I post on some boards, there appears a Gravatar icon? I don't have a Gravatar, so I get this big, blue "G", laying on its side, next to my posts. I don't like what this implies....like I am some kind of lazy, Gravatarial failure. And if you're a failure on the internet, baby, you are REALLY a failure.

THE FRUITCAKE

2006-12-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I can't believe I'm heading into my third Christmas of blogging but I've never blogged about The Fruitcake. I have a fruitcake that looks exactly like one of the smaller ones above. Just exactly like it.

Yep. Except its like, 15 years old.

So why do I have a 15 year old fruitcake? Its very hard to explain. I don't remember who gave us The Fruitcake. When The Fruitcake first entered the household, I put it out with the milk and cookies for Santa Claus. I didn't take it out of its wrapper, I just sat it there.

Well, Santa doesn't eat fruitcake either.

I was not the one who put the thing in the freezer after Christmas. It was my darling ex-husband who did that, for reasons unknown. probably because there was going to be no trash service for a few days. Gradually, it began to dawn on me that yes, last Christmas' fruitcake was in the freezer, but I wasn't sufficiently moved to actally take action about it.

If I remember correctly, the next Christmas I had forgotten cookies for Santa. When you have a two-year-old child staring at you about to cry, you think fast. "Oh wait, there's FRUITCAKE in the freezer!" "Mommy, does Santa like fwootcake?" "Honey, Santa can't get enough fruitcake!" So out came the fruitcake to the table, still wrapped, next to the milk.

The next morning, I didn't want my child thinking Santa didn't like his fruitcake, so I threw it back into the freezer to hide it. And thus a sacred tradition was born.

The Fruitcake comes out on Christmas Eve. It thaws. It goes back in the freezer on Christmas Day. Also, there have been several (quite a few, actually) hurricanes, ice storms and other special occasions when The Fruitcake has been thawed. When Hurricane Fran hit, I actually tucked it into the bottom of our cooler, but as the town ran out of ice, it thawed. I put it in a distant corner of the house.....just in case it got to stinking............but it never stank. Its probably preserved in a hard fruity casing, kind of like a Neanderthal ant preserved in amber.

Now Stew wants me to send it to him so he can give a 15 year old fruitcake to his neighbor as a joke. NO WAY! Its taken me 15 years to get it to this point. This is a seasoned fruitcake, thawed and frozen to perfection. If I could put it under my microscope, I would probably observe several layers of microbes, frozen stiff, only to rise again at the next thaw, more powerful than ever before. You know, Penicillin was discovered under strange kitchen circumstances, I'm liable to have the cure for cancer growing in my freezer.

A joke, indeed. I'm donating that baby to Science when I pass on.

TEENAGE NIGHTMARE

2006-12-04T08:59:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Somehow my blog has become a depository of teenage nightmare stories. Go figure.

My child has become an out-of-control Want Machine:

GIMME!!!!! NOW!

She wants a car. Har-dee-har-har. She wants CD players, DVD's, jewelry, freaky hair styles, killer nails, a gym membership, a tanning membership, a laptop, wide-screen TVs, home entertainment systems and unbelievable cell phones. People Of The World, I don't mind telling you that my salary only stretches just so far!!! Working for Conglomo is a good thing, but only the Prez is making the millions, yaknowwhudimsayin'?

And of course, no mention has been made of HER getting a job. Actually, that's not true, I'VE mentioned it many times, but it hasn't happened yet.

Now here's the latest. There is a shed in my back yard. Its an attractive little shed that my father built when I was a little girl. My sister and I made it into a "club house" back in the day....that is, a safe place to go smoke cigarettes and read rock magazines while blaring music that my mother couldn't stand.

Now my child wants to make a "club house" for her and her friends. I know she's not smoking, but I bet she wants to play some of her music I can't stand down there at loud volumes. She has enlisted all of her friends to help her clean this shed. All of the boxes of stuff I had stored down there are now back in my house. I haven't uttered any complaints.....she's going to be 18 in a year and a half, you know?

But now she is plotting paint, carpet, tools to paint and carpet with, and who knows what else. She even went and got COLOR SAMPLES, fer gawd's sake. She's contemplating curtains and furniture. Next thing you know, she's going to be arranging for ductwork for the heating and air-conditioning.

My thing is.......WHO IS PAYING FOR ALL THIS? I haven't said a word, and I'm not going to say a word. I am not paying for the ultimate playhouse, I'm just not going to do it. And if someone gets a J-O-B, she's not going to have time to lounge in the ultimate playhouse anyway.

I wish I was rich and could give her everything. But I'M JUST NOT.

IT'S DECEMBER 1ST!!!!

2006-12-01T08:25:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Its December 1st and you long-time readers already know how the Christmas season kicks off on this here blog. Bringing in an un-heard of THIRD season, I again present to you that heart-warming Planet Brenda original:

JOHNNY DEPPCLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!
You better watch out
You better not cry
Put on your sexiest pout
I'm telling you why
Johnny Deppclaus is coming to town!

You're making a fist
You're clenching it tight
You'd KILL to kiss those lips just once or twice
Johnny Deppclaus is coming to town!

With him you wish you were sleeping
You dream about it when you're awake
You just know he's probably both bad AND good
An orgasm you would never have to fake!

OH!

You better watch out
You better not cry
Put on your sexiest pout
I'm telling you why
Johnny Deppclaus is coming to town!

ANIMAL LUV!

2006-11-30T09:03:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Feedin' time!

Always have confidence.

If this cat turned human, she would be like Gwen Stefani:

Here is Greg's doggie, Lacy:

Laughs!

Sweetest thing ever!

Here is a moth I saw this summer:

This poor mousie! The email this came with assured me the mouse was okay. Just don't click print!

THE EMO SAGA CONTINUES

2006-11-27T23:34:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

My house is positively permeated with teenage angst. Sparkle doesn't have the easiest life. School has been pretty tough this year for her. Her Physics class is a real killer. There's all the usual teenage stressors, fitting in, popularity, who knows what else. It usually doesn't take many of us too long after high school to realize those kinds of problems are so petty, and we tend to forget just how important they still are to kids everywhere. And then there is a certain Emo Boy she was interested in that dropped the "not interested" bombshell after hanging and acting like he was interested for months on end. I told her not to despair, and that she must look at the whole thing logically. I mean, go to Google and look up "EMO BOY" and see what you get. Wait, on second thought, don't go, I'll go do it for you.

Hmmmm, not very much room for a girl in this equation.

I mean, I don't know FOR SURE if that is what's up with this particular Emo Boy, but I have some extremely strong GUT INSTINCTS. And you know, good for him.....but don't be stringing a girl along.

And so a heart is truly broken for the first time. As a mother, I'm ready to go hunt me down some Emo Boy ass and knock his hair flow in the other direction. But also as a mother, I realize I have to step back and let things happen as they must. She'll never grow as a person if she doesn't ever experience pain......la dee da la la. We'll all move on and eventually Emo Boys will just be a short blip on "I Love the 2000's"

2006-11-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

I must be emo

THANKSGIVING UPDATE

2006-11-23T13:05:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I hope you are having, or have had, a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am cooking furiously, or at least I was, until a few minutes ago.

Phone rings, sister is on the line.

ME: Hey!
SISTER: *%#&*#! Don't worry about rushing to get here any $%&%$*&# time soon!
ME: (secretly relieved, I'd been rushing) What's wrong?
SISTER: We've had a %%*%$&* turkey fiasco!
ME: What happened?
SISTER: The %*#$&*# turkey somehow fell on its side in the *$#&$#*&$ bag! All the $*#$&#*$& juices dripped out into the oven. So we had to *$&#*# stop everything, clean the oven, and then figure out Plan B.
ME: Well, don't worry, it'll turn out okay. (I think about telling her I'd have never made it on time anyway, but as she really hates this aspect of my personality, I decide against it.)
ME: Look, if the turkey doesn't turn out right, we can just have a vegetarian Thanksgiving! And what's wrong with that?
SISTER: $*%$&*$&#$*&#($^#*%^ *click*

Halloween is never this stressful.

2006-11-21T23:06:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

UNNNNNNNNNNNHHHH..........

I am not sure what happened but all of a sudden the weather is a wet, soggy mess. It is cold, it is dark, the wind is going crazy, and the rain just won't let up. Certain parts of the yard have become swamp land. Certain kitty cats keep fighting each other for "lap time". Certain OTHER kitty cats are congregating underneath my house for shelter. And naturally, they all want to be fed.

And me, golly gee, I guess I'll just have to snuggle up and do a lot of reading. David Bowie and Mick Jagger making out, Lou Reed nodding out, Ozzy peeing on the Alamo, and other such wholesome, family-oriented tales.

THE NOIVE OF SOME PEOPLE!!!!!!!

2006-11-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

STEW is at it again. In his latest bout of imaginative fantasy, he has accused me of "taking absurd liberties with FUD".

Look here, Mister. I don't know where you are getting your information from.....even though we have many things in common, Elmer and I are JUST FRIENDS.

Let's get this straight RIGHT NOW. NO FUD's were molested in the making of that research paper, buddy! We have REPUTATIONS to uphold.....GEEZ!

MY RESEARCH PAPER

2006-11-17T11:07:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Here it is! My bitchings and ravings on a certain topic led to an entire research paper. If you don't read it, I don't blame you. But you kind of should.

The Suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus and American Freedom

With the passing of the Military Commissions Act, signed into law by President George W. Bush on October 16, 2006 ("Military Commission Act of 2006" 1), American citizens have lost one of their essential freedoms. If you are arrested, the Constitution of the United States requires that authorities must "show a court cause as to why someone is being held" (Stone 1). This constitutional right is known as the Writ of Habeas Corpus. Not many Americans realize that the Writ was essentially suspended by the recent passing of the Military Commissions Act. Many of President Bush's supporters argue that this suspension only includes terrorists and illegal aliens, and that anyone who thinks it could be used against Americans is being paranoid. I intend to show that the language of this law is ambiguous and has full potential to include American citizens. I intend to illustrate that when the Writ has been suspended or ignored in past history, many citizens of this country were jailed indefinitely. These precedents prove that modern Americans have every reason to fear for their freedom today.

What is the Writ of Habeas Corpus? As defined above, it is the unconditional guarantee that an American citizen cannot be detained indefinitely without being told why they are being held (Stone 1). If a court of judge determines that no criminal charges can be filed against a person, then they must be released (Robertson 1). The Writ of Habeas Corpus is so important that it appears in the main body of the Constitution, whereas our other rights are listed in the first ten amendments (Robertson 1).

It must be noted that the Writ of Habeas Corpus was not the invention of our American forefathers. The Writ is ancient and appears in the Magna Carta, signed by King of England in 1215 ("Convicts to Australia" 1). It has protected the rights of accused people across the world for many centuries now, and our American forefathers knew that the Writ is one of the essential building blocks of a democracy.

However, with the passage of the Military Commissions Act, the Writ has been suspended, supposedly only for certain individuals. What exactly does the Military Commission Act state?

"Section 94a of Title 10 of the United States Code:
(i) a person who has engaged in hostilities or who has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States or its co-belligerents who is not a lawful enemy combatant; or
(ii) a person who, before, on or after the date of the enactment of the Military Commission Act of 2006, has been determined to be an unlawful enemy combatant by a Combatant Status Review Tribunal or another competent tribunal established under the authority of the President or the Secretary of the Defense" ("Military Commissions Act of 2006" 2).

Clearly, this defines for us that it is terrorists, supporters of terrorism, and unlawful enemy combatants who forfeit Habeas Corpus rights. Anyone who remembers the World Trade Center bombing of September 11, 2006 knows exactly what a terrorist is, but what is meant by an enemy combatant? An enemy combatant is "a person designated by the United States President as an enemy fighter (El-Najjar 1). The term "enemy combatant" was created by the Bush Administration (Greenberger 1).

So ultimately it is at the discretion and whim of President George W. Bush whether a person is designated an "enemy combatant". The definition is purposely vague and unclear; anyone deemed an "enemy fighter" or perhaps even an "enemy of Bush" can now, by law, be detained indefinitely without access to the court system. Bush supporters argue that the President would never abuse his power to jail American citizens. However, a review of American history regarding prior suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus by two of our most important presidents reveals that abuse of power and indefinite incarceration of American citizens was the result.

In the year 1862, Abraham Lincoln took advantage of the fact that Congress was on vacation to suspend the Writ of Habeas Corpus himself ("Did President Lincoln suspend the U.S. Constitution?" 1). While Lincoln stated that the suspension was only to detain Southern insurgents, over 13,000 people were eventually jailed. These included many people of the North, the U.S. citizens at that time. Lincoln declared that anyone who engaged in "disloyal practices would come under Martial Law” ("Did President Lincoln…" 1). As a result, Lincoln found just cause to detain people who were his critics.

Eventually, the Supreme Court struck down Lincoln’s suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus as unconstitutional. No president is "constitutionally empowered to suspend the Writ of Habeas Corpus, even in time of war, if the ordinary civil courts were functioning"(Stone 2).

Apparently paying attention to his history, President Franklin D. Roosevelt did not suspend the Writ of Habeas Corpus, he merely ignored it. By executive order, he ordered the Army to prepare camps where Japanese prisoners could be held during World War II (Stone 2). By the fall of 1942, "more than 110,000 people of Japanese descent, two-thirds of them American citizens" (Stone 2), were held indefinitely, without benefit of trial. Some of these were held long after the war had ended, some not being released until 1949 ("Japanese Canadian Internment" 2). The lives of many of these people were ruined.

In 1980, the Civil Liberties Act was signed by President Ronald Reagan, "offering an official presidential apology and reparations to each of the Japanese American internees" (Stone 3). Since the Writ of Habeas Corpus was ignored instead of officially suspended, the Supreme Court did not rule on Roosevelt’s actions. However, a presidential apology speaks volumes as to the constitutional value of Roosevelt’s executive order.

So why is President George W. Bush suspending the Writ of Habeas Corpus now? It is a law that has served civilization for many centuries, and as it has been shown, America’s two prior attempts at tampering with it have resulted in thousands of American citizens being imprisoned. Most of these people committed no crime at all. President Bush claims it is suspended as "a part of making sure that we do have the capacity to protect you. Our most solemn job is the security of this country" (Olbermann 1). However, he does not explain how denying anybody the right to our courts will help to protect us. He also does not explain how violating the U.S. Constitution will provide our security. Because indeed, the Military Commissions Act of 20-6 is unconstitutional.

"The American Constitution, Article I, section 9:
The privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless in case of rebellion or invasion, the public safety may require it" (Robertson 2).

The United States is not in rebellion, nor have we been currently invaded, therefore to suspend the Writ of Habeas Corpus is unconstitutional. As we ponder the historical precedents, we are left to wonder "why"?

President Bush has 795 days of his administration left at the time of this writing. I urge every American who is serious about the freedom to use this time to screen carefully their choice of candidate for our next President of the United States. Where does your preferred candidate stand on the issue of the suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus and the Military Commissions Act? Everyone should research carefully and vote accordingly. The only way to solve this serious problem is to stand together as a nation and vote to get back this freedom we have so foolishly allowed President Bush to take away from us.

Works Cited

"Convicts to Australia." A Guide to Researching your Convict Ancestors. 14 Nov. 2006

"Did President Lincoln suspend the U.S. Constitution?" American Patriot Network. 1999 14

Nov. 2006

El-Najjar, Hassan. "Conflict Terminology: A Note for Editors, Journalists, and Readers." 15 Sept. 2004. 14 Nov. 2006

Greenberger, Michael. "The Missing Link." Legal Affairs Sept/Oct. 2005: 1. 5 Nov. 2006

"Japanese Canadian Internment." Wikipedia org. 2006. Wikipedia. 17 Nov. 2006

"The Military Commissions Act of 2006." Wikipedia org. 2006. Wikipedia. 15 Nov. 2006

Olbermann, Keith. "The Death of Habeas Corpus." MSNBC 11 Oct. 2006. 17 Nov. 2006

Robertson, Joseph Dale. "Habeas Corpus: The Most Extraordinary Writ." Center for the Preservation of Habeas Corpus. World Newsstand. 5 Nov. 2006

Stone, Geoffrey R. "Civil Liberties at Risk Again: A U.S. Tradition." (2003): 1. Chicago Tribune. Academic Search Premier. Durham Tech Community College, Durham,
Durham Tech Lib. 5 Nov 2006

IT CAME FROM BOOBVILLE

2006-11-15T17:50:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

We've sent men into outer space and we maintain radio contact with them. Modern guided missiles are able to hit their targets within mere inches. Satellites beam messages across the globe without fail. We can call Australia on our cell phones and be connected in seconds.

Yet, we cannot image breast tissue without squashing them flat.

Yeah, I did it. No, it wasn't unbearable but it was REALLY DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE!

I got through it by chanting in my mind...."Must. Put. Curse. on. Wordnerd." Over and over.

The worst part was when it was over, the receptionist was like "Would you like to go ahead and schedule for next year?"

Whaaaaat?

"Well, we come here every year...."

"I don't need one next year. I already had one this year!"

"Sweetie, you should get one every year."

NOOOOO!!! Hell to the no! I am NOT doing it next year. Maybe the year after that. Maybe. For God's sake, at least let me take it one year at a time!!!

SIGN OFF

2006-11-09T10:52:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Hey, I wanted to let you guys know that I am not going to be blogging again until 11/20/06. I've got papers to write and stress to experience. But it is almost over now and then I can get back to managing my life!

I do want to let Wordnerd and the rest of the world know that I.....ME!......have a mammogram scheduled for November 15, 2006. The time is 9:50 a.m. So if you listen to the wind closely you can probably hear me screaming. For those of you who don't know, having a mammogram has been an issue ever since I started blogging. The doctor always says "It's time to have a mammogram!" and I'm like "okay!" and then just never do it. Then I post a bunch of mammogram cartoons on my blog and that's it until the issue rises again. But Wordnerd has convinced me that the time is now. I'm not happy but I'm going to do it.

I'll be on this huge bookmobile looking bus. They just pull right up to your place of employment, squash some boobs flat, and then hit the highway before anyone can round up a posse. I just have this image of my boobs blowing like a tire on the highway. POW!

Okay, enough. See you again on November 20th, just in time for Toikey Day, Vinnie.

WEEKEND UPDATE

2006-11-06T10:23:00.000-05:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Hey you. Yeah, you. C'mere. I wanna tell you a little tale of the weekend.

Sparkle had a small party at the house. It was only 5 or 6 kids. I knew them all. Except one. He was somebody's cousin and he was tagging along. When the kid came in, I knew something wasn't quite right. Its hard to put my finger on the exact problem, but he was looking kind of green around the gills to me. He heads for the couch and plants himself, and I didn't think much more about him.

Until he's hurling, all over my couch! Obviously the kid had been eating pizza, because it was all.....cheesy! EWWWWWWW! And stinky! And its on my freaking couch!

My thing is......how do you NOT know you're going to be sick? You're sitting there, you're feeling sick....for God's sake, find a trash can or toilet, don't just keep sitting there!

So then came the Major Clean-up. Thank God I am able to take the covers off the cushions. We scrubbed the cushions with fabric cleaner and then threw them in the washing machine for 2 cycles and they are good as new. We even Febreezed them too to make sure.

Nobody else comes into the house unless I know them. Ever again. And if they do, they are going to have to be locked in the bathroom, just in case.

2006-11-01T23:58:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

It is down to the wire now. In each of my two classes, I have 2 classes left. Mid-November and I will have a life again. I also have 3 papers to do before then. I'm so stressed it has ceased to be stressgful and its just like....."HAW!" But I may not be writing so much until after 11/17/06 - the magic date!!!!

I'm totally going to do something relaxing, like a painting, over the Thanksgiving holiday.

MY FAVORITE DAY!

2006-10-31T13:41:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My favorite holiday is here. I have pumpkins to carve and scary movies to watch in the dark. Its going to be great. My biggest regret is not having time to do my "Halloween Pic of the Day" for the entire month! Oh well, that's what God invented "Next Year" for.

I have some candles ready for Day of the Dead too, to burn in honor of the dead.

I'm feeling somewhat better. This past weekend was rough, I just couldn't do anything but wallow in my pathetic-ness. I'm still a sweaty, clammy mess but not nearly as sweaty and clammy as a few days ago. I think this was definitely the flu I have had. Or payback from an innocent bunny who lost his life under my tires.

Thank you for the well-wishes and thank you to GREG for the telephone call, I did get your message!! I thought I was going to bust out crying, thank you for the well-wishes!

Okay, I gotta run for now but I hope all you ghouls and goblins have a hot holiday! MUCH LOVE!

I, I, I

2006-10-29T16:39:00.000-05:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I'm depressed.
I keep bursting into tears.
I feel bad.
I'm having trouble breathing.
I'm weak as water.
I can't go anywhere because I'm having bathroom problems.
I need to be studying but I just can't concentrate.
I have friends I am worried about.
I have online friends I am worried about.
I just feel worried.
And sick.
I'm just not myself....at ALL.
Sometimes I wish I could go into some kind of hyperbaric chamber and just be put to sleep for a few days.
I need FIXING

I'M SORRY

2006-10-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

George Bush the Great and Bushy has struck me down for messing with Stew. Now I have a COLD. I feel like poo.

If I have learned any great lessons over the past week or so, it is:
1. Politics suck, just like they always have.
2. If you voice a political viewpoint, everybody is going to hate you.
3. DON'T mess with the Stewmeister. You're safer to go messing with Sasquatch, like the commercials.
4. If you do mess with Stew, you better stock up on cold medications, because Bush is going to lay down the voodoo on you.

These are important life lessons.

And its almost Halloween. Me favorite holiday.

GET YOUR VOTE ON EARLY

2006-10-26T13:45:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

Voting time is almost here! To help you practice, you can cast a special vote right here, today and now.

The issue? I have a research paper to write for school. We can choose something we are interested in to write about. I have narrowed my choices down to two:

1. The History of Halloween vs. Organized Religion.

2. The History of the Writ of Habeas Corpus and Why the Current Suspension is Damaging to
Our Country.

Yes, both are serious contenders, no kidding around. Obviously both subjects are a current thang right now and I've had both on my mind. There's loads of info out there on each subject. So your duty is to vote what you think I should write the paper on.

I WANT MY RUBY SLIPPERS!

2006-10-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

I am going to turn over a new leaf. I hereby promise not to be paranoid anymore. OF COURSE President Bush loves us. Each and every one. OF COURSE He would never, ever abuse His power. We should never question Him, because He moves in ways the likes of us will never be able to understand anyway. Of course, once the ACLU is labeled as an "enemy combatent" and jailed, and then Stew gets jailed for just being Stew, I shall visit him every two weeks and bring him some of that soup he likes. I will try to get him out of jail by following the Pot-Holed Tar Road (a.k.a. I-95) up to the Washington City to visit Bush, the Great and Bushy, and beg for Stew's release and we'll make a reality TV show from it.
Brenda as "Dorothy"
Wordnerd as "Scarecrow"
Ryan as "Tin Man"
Greg as "The Lion"
Lacy as "Toto"
Judy as "The Good Witch"
Ann Coulter as "The Bad Witch"
Liberal Tree Hugger as "That Tree in the Forest"
Pete Doherty as "The Poppy Field".......LOL!

Will the gang persuade Bush the Great and Bushy to recognize Stew's habeas corpus rights and release him from jail? Let's hope so....because
"THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE GEORGIA!"
"THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE GEORGIA!"

ME ARGUING

2006-10-23T13:23:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

On Friday I posted a link in the comments section of THE WEST VIRGINIA SURF REPORT to a video where a newscaster person was going off about President Bush getting the Writ of Habeas Corpus suspended. Say what?, you may ask....here's the link: (Love ya, Miss Joy Division!)
http://celebutaunt.blogspot.com/2006/10/please-watch-this-report.html

My main reason for posting the link was that I couldn't understand why Bush had suspended the Writ. In fact, I never really said a word about Bush, but that didn't stop a couple of Bush-Lovers from popping their butt corks. So I had to go on a big Defending Myself spree - fun, fun. STEW would have laughed. Or maybe he would have been proud, who knows?

My main detractor was arguing that it only applies to aliens. Yeah it says that but it also says anyone who is deemed “illegal enemy combatents". Woah, that could BE ANYBODY! And the Constitution prohibits the suspension of habeas corpus except in cases of "rebellion and invasion".......neither state seems to apply to our country at the moment, so WTF?

Look, if you love Bush, that's your perogative, but come on....you gotta admit something really stinks about this whole thing. Its not a matter of Democrats and Republicans, Liberals and Conserative, or even Stew and Tree Hugger. This is a matter of one of your rights being banished. You are less free right now than you were before.

And lets just imagine that Bush is being on the up and up....what good does suspending the Writ of Habeas Corpus do? What do you think is going to happen to OUR soldiers when they are captured? Not that they would have gotten a trial anyways, but they DEFINITELY won't get it now.

But its our duty as a country to do the right thing no matter what we are up against. Or at least it used to be our duty.

Just sayin'.

BRAIN SNAP

2006-10-20T09:53:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Isn't it funny how you can see something everyday, day in and day out, and yet you don't REALLY SEE?

There is this homeless guy that sits in his wheelchair at the off-ramp on the highway and panhandles. I will give him money sometimes IF I am in the lane next to him....I mean, the guy is in a wheelchair, I'm not going to summon him to come over to me....I'm scared he will get killed.

But anyway, there his sits and he has this artificial leg. It has a shoe on it but the leg of it is just an iron bar that sticks out from his jeans. He holds his little sign that says something like "Homeless, hungry, God bless" and I really feel for the guy.

So today I'm sitting on the off-ramp and there he is. I'm in the other lane, so I'm not going to give him any money today but I am just kind of looking at him and not really thinking, when suddenly it hits me......
If he's wheelchair bound, why does he need an artificial leg?

Somebody please chastise me and tell me how wrong I am for thinking that, you know, this guy can probably walk. But...can you see where I'm coming from?
Please tell me how mean and trite I am being so I can correct this flaw.

*Also, Stew, I don't feel like I should run over him.....he's not cute and fuzzy.

OMINOUS

2006-10-18T09:29:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Ominous - 'ä-m&-n&s - adj -
: being or exhibiting an omen : PORTENTOUS; especially : foreboding or foreshadowing evil :

Have you ever realized that something you previously thought was just a routine, every day thing is suddenly ominous?

For me, it is acorns. Acorns appeared in a poem I wrote the other day, I kicked one and I drove over it. It gave a loud, satisfying craaaaaack as I did so, but now I fear the God of Acorns is exacting his revenge upon me, by messing with my mind.

All of a sudden the acorns are everywhere. I am trying to avoid them and I can't. Everywhere I drive, I'm hitting them left and right. My acorn death toll is rising. And when I'm not hitting them, they are falling on my car, thumping it loud enough to chip paint.

But the worst was today. I was the designated Lunch Gopher today. (Get it? Lunch Gopher? Go fer? Bwaahahahaaha!) So I go out to a local restaurant to pick up the lunch when I notice them.....there on the little traffic islands of grass they like to build in parking lots. Acorns. Lots of 'em. Big ones. Quite possibly the biggest ones I've ever seen.

And yet.....there were no trees these acorns could have fallen from.
*cue "Twilight Zone" music*

How did they get there? And why? And why do they keep multiplying? Why are they everywhere? And where are the squirrels that are supposed to be gathering them? What has gone wrong in the ecosystem? Why is this happening to me?

WOE IS ME

2006-10-16T11:26:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

My last week of class is the week before Thanksgiving, and I am so thankful, believe me. I am so behind on everything. Next semester, one class. You know, it is going to take me forever to get a degree that way, but I don't know what else to do. I am happy doing schoolwork, but I am NOT happy when I don't have time for anything else. I have been seized by an uncontrollable urge to do some painting and of course, there's no time. So I am plotting a painting and I've even bought a few new supplies. During Thanksgiving I am going to paint.

Maybe once Sparkle has moved on to college or whatever it is she plans to do, two classes won't seem like its as much. That's a whole other story. Somehow, over the last few weeks, I have become the Enemy. Everything I do is wrong. I think she would talk to a wall before she would talk to me. It is very frustrating. But I told her this morning as she got out of the car, "Even though I've become the Enemy, I still love you." SLAM, went the door.

I think its just a serious case of Spoiled Brat-itis, myself.
THINGS ARE ONLY GOING TO GET BETTER.

If I haven't been to your blog as much, please bear with me. "Even though I've become a Blog Loser, I still love you!" SLAM!

WEEKEND RIP

2006-10-15T01:12:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

Thanks for the AM radio memories!

MORE ORIGINAL POETRY

2006-10-12T09:34:00.000-04:00

brendalove@gmail.com

SERIAL KILLER

I kicked an acorn today
It rolled a very long way
It went very far
It went under my car
And I smashed it as I drove away

I saw a bunny today
In the road as it played
I tried to swerve
and it tore up my nerves
'cause I smashed it as I drove away

I try to be a good girl
But I should warn all the squirrels
Once I get behind the wheel
Being good is not part of the deal
Cause I smash everything as I drive away

CATS VS. DOGS

2006-10-11T09:58:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I hope this shows up okay on the blog!

My apologies to the artist, I had to crop the heck out of this to make it fit. Its funny though.

Expect me to put a picture post together real soon! I just went through my pics and I have a load of stuff I've never used....

SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE

2006-10-10T11:30:00.000-04:00

Brendalove@gmail.com

I woke up this morning and I was still here.......and not a nucleated, bomb-out scrap of ash. I was able to log on to CNN and read the latest about North Korea's underground nuclear bombing testing. And I trembled.

Here is something worth fighting for. A real, unbelievably real, threat to all the world. Yet our troops are depleted and tired; they have been too busy fighting Bush's personal grudge.

I question my decision to have brought a child in the world. Would she be strong enough to withstand the immense stress that a bombing, a real war, the terrors that all of this could entail? Or will our children die slowly, cursing their parents' names for bringing their world to this?

America has been "top dog" for a long, long time now. We are a spoiled, arrogant nation. We are despised by the rest of the world, and for many of them, their only point of reference to what our nation stands for is the face of an idiot.

What happens now? It could happen, you know. Yeah, its Doomsday Thinking. Maybe I should just go browse Ebay or play some online games, and not think? Maybe a trip to Washington DC is in order this weekend? I can chug-a-lug up there in my ghetto-ized car, hope I make it, and stand on the sidewalk in front of the Capitol. Maybe I can hold a sign. Should I stand and be counted or is it useless at this point anyway?

I've never felt so helpless. How are you feeling today?

Planet Brenda

RUN FOR THE BORDER

LOLZ

RIP

HAPPY MONDAY

GOODY TWO-SHOES

BRAIN STIMULANTS

SLEEP CLINIC

POOP FROM ON HIGH

KEEF

EWWWW

HE'S COMING!

LET'S JUST GO

*YAWN*

BLAAAAAAH....

YOU HAVE ENTERED THE TWILIGHT ZONE

DEATH BY VEHICLE

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

HEY GRANDPA, WHAT'S FER SUPPER?

CHRISSY

TEENAGE PRANKS

THE END OF CHRISTINE

VICIOUS AND MEAN, LIKE A DAWG

HELP PREPARING FOR PROM

I'VE REACHED NEW HIGHS IN LOWS

WANTED: BRAIN CONNECTORS IN REASONABLY GOOD WORKING ORDER

GREAT MOMENTS IN MUSIC HISTORY

DAD

BE SURE TO PUNCH THE TIME CLOCK!

THIS POST IS GUARANTEED HITS!!!!!

RANDOM STUFF

THE URGE TO CUSS

MAN BOOBS

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

ZSA ZSA VS. ANGELINA (in a steel cage match)

ANOTHER R.I.P.

BEEP BEEP

BAM MARGERA GOT MARRIED

MY AWESOME GHOST

WHY EUROPEANS ARE SMARTER #156

WEEK'S END - FINALLY!!!!!

THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND #385

TALES FROM THE EBAY ABYSS

HOW I KILLED BUCK OWENS' LEAD GUITARIST

DEEP THOUGHTS, MAN

HELP BRENDA BATTLE WRITER'S BLOCK

INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

GOOD DAY

REMEMBER THAT DISCLAIMER!

I LIKES THIS SONG

SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT

WONKY DEFINED

NOT TO BEAT A DEAD HORSE OR ANYTHING, BUT.....

15 POSITIVITIES

SOME THINGS ARE BETTER THAN MONEY

DA MOON

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

DON'T RIP!

PRESIDENTIAL RIP

HOLIDAY RIP

PARTY HELL-RAISER

YO HO THE MISTLETOE

OH BOY

A MIRACLE AT FOOD LION

INTERNET WOES

THE FRUITCAKE

TEENAGE NIGHTMARE

IT'S DECEMBER 1ST!!!!

ANIMAL LUV!

THE EMO SAGA CONTINUES

THANKSGIVING UPDATE

THE NOIVE OF SOME PEOPLE!!!!!!!

MY RESEARCH PAPER

IT CAME FROM BOOBVILLE

SIGN OFF

WEEKEND UPDATE

MY FAVORITE DAY!

I, I, I

I'M SORRY

GET YOUR VOTE ON EARLY

YAWN